How to Stay Focused and Motivated When You Failed the First Time

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Failure sucks. And there’s nothing that kills the motivation to see it through like failure can. It is incredibly tough to stay focused and motivated when facing failure. Those extra “I’m a loser” pounds you carry around are hard to shake off.

The first quarter of the New Year is done. Gone.

For most of us, our News Year’s Resolutions are probably dead in the water also.

Who here has honestly still worked daily to pursue their resolution? Skip right down to the comment section below and let us know! Then come on back up and read the rest of the article. If you are still focused on your New Year’s Resolutions now, at the beginning of April, then you have some secrets you need to share. We need to hear from you.

For the rest of us, failure sucks.

My New Year’s Resolution was to pitch an article or idea to two publications or potential clients every morning before doing anything else. I can honestly say I did that maybe three times. In three months.

I’ve pitched, yes, but not right away. Not first thing. And certainly not every day. There has been no consistency to my pitching what-so-ever. I have engaged in whim-pitching. Pitching whenever the mood strikes me.

I followed all of the steps.

I identified my goal – and made it SMART. I truly believed I could do it. I put that goal in writing, visualized it constantly and created an action plan to get it done. The commitment was there.

Where did I go wrong?

Oh, let me count the places.

I identified my goal, yes, and it is a SMART one. I can easily do it. But I didn’t work on believing I could meet my goal.

I believed in myself, yes. But I believed in myself as a successful freelance writer. I, however, had absolutely no faith in my pitching abilities. None. Zip. Zilt. Nada.

I believed in myself overall, but I did not believe in my ability to meet the one goal it was going to take to get me there – pitching.

I put that goal in writing, yes. But then I never looked at it again. Instead I locked my sites on the end plan – being successful. Forgetting the steps needed to take me there.

I visualized my success daily, many times a day. It’s a nice dream. But I failed to visualize myself performing the necessary actions to create that success – pitching.

I saw myself lazily writing in the sun, watching my kids play, sipping on something fun. But I never saw the sweat rolling down my face and the crumpled up frustration littering my garbage can as the hours ticked away at an alarming speed. I didn’t visualize that. And that is what I needed to do first, in order to lazily lap up the sun.

I created that action plan – it’s a good one. But I never looked at it again. And yes, I was committed. To the end prize. But not to the process of getting there.

I certainly had commitment issues – I didn’t believe in my abilities enough to get it done.

And did I share my goal?

Nope. Not really. I kept it quiet, until a couple of weeks ago. So I had no support. No cheerleaders. No one telling me I can get this done.

And so I avoided the work.

I convinced myself I couldn’t pitch, and so I didn’t. I decided it was too time-consuming. I told myself I hated it. And I worked on every other distraction I could find. (And there are plenty that are oh, so fun!)

Failure? Absolutely.

It’s such a simple thing, really. To sit down and pitch before I do anything else.

But I haven’t stayed focused.

A good portion of us stray from our goals because we fail to stay focused on what is important.

We set our sights on the prize and forget about the steps that we need to take to get there.

Or we get distracted by anything and everything else; most of us do this purposely, some of us have no idea we even got distracted in the first place.

And the motivation eludes us. Our commitment level takes a nose dive.

And we sink.

Failure doesn’t necessarily have to mean that that is the end of it, though. It doesn’t mean we cannot continue to pursue our goal. It certainly doesn’t mean that the dream is dead.

It means we need to figure out what went wrong and fix it.

I’m not done.

I know where I went wrong and I am back at the drawing board.

Maybe I need a bigger board.

How to stay focused on your goal

1. Talk to someone

The first thing I did was talk to my dad. Things weren’t going the way I wanted them to go and I didn’t know why. I felt like a failure and wondered if I should give up.

The thing with talking to someone is, it helps you to get outside of yourself.

We are too emotionally involved in our goals. It is good to run it all by someone else. They can see things much more objectively than we can. A trusted friend can tell you where you might be going wrong, if the goal is even realistic, and if you should give up.

They can pick you up, dust you off and set you back on the right track.

2. Enlist help

The next thing I did was reach out to another Mompreneur who knew her stuff – my sister-in-law. I knew I needed to make a few changes, and I knew she knew how to get it done! So I asked for some advice. And then followed it. Her advice didn’t exactly help me with my pitching, but it did help me set a few other things in my writing world straight.

You need to find someone who does what you want to accomplish, and does it well.

If your goal is to be a successful blogger, you need to reach out to other bloggers. Are you trying to lose weight? Then you need to find someone who manages to stay her usual skinny-self year in and year out. If your goal is to be debt free, you need to find someone else who has faced that demon and won.

But don’t forget to give some when you take some. You can’t just be on the receiving end. If someone helps you out, be sure to return the favor or pay it forward by helping someone else out. We all have things we are great at – someone else may suck at something that you do well. Be ready and willing to help when they reach out to you.

3. Review your progress

Next, review the last month or quarter. Review everything: your plan, the actions you took, the actions you failed to take, your barriers, how you felt, the reasons behind why you did what you did – everything.

I actually used the Slay Your Goals Planner from It’s All You Boo for my review, and I reviewed only March. It takes some time – I’m not going to lie. It is a five-page walk through of where you went wrong and why.

The first page goes in to things you discovered about yourself, what you are grateful for, lessons learned and achievements made. From there you dive in to how your life changed from the actions you took, what you learned from that and what you need to do differently. Finally you take a look at where you want to be next month and how you are going to get there.

Another way to review your progress is through freestyle journaling. Simply sit down with a notebook and pen and write out everything that comes to mind about your progress during the last month or quarter. Just write, don’t think. Then set it aside for a few days.

When you come back to read it, look for a common theme or thread, or any “ah ha” moments that stand out at you. Where there certain barriers in your way? Commonalities in the way you were thinking or approaching things? Journaling is a fantastic way to get at the unconscious thoughts behind our actions.

4. Review your intention

Your intention is your ultimate motivation. It is easy to lose your motivation if you have the wrong intention.

My intention is to support my family with my writing. Even after failing thus far, I haven’t forgotten that. And so I see myself sitting in the sun with my computer. This vision is what motivates me. It is the reason I haven’t given up yet.

Yours can do the same. Be sure the WHY behind your goal is the reason for your goal. Make sure it is real. If you want to lose weight, really dig down deep and think about why it is that losing weight matters to you. How will your life be different? What will be better? And be sure to really see it. Envision it. That picture is going to motivate you to keep moving forward, even when you are facing failure.

If you haven’t taken the time to figure out your intention yet, then now is the time to do it.

Your intention is your motivation and inspiration. Without it, you will have a hard time overcoming failure.

I used the Slay Your Goals Planner to work through my intention. This really was the most eye-opening portion of the whole planner for me. If I could only use one part of that planner, it would be the part on intentions. The reason why is simple: I needed to see what I really wanted in life.  Once I was clear on that, I could do the work.

Nadalie walks you through a little self-discovery in a few different ways. She starts by asking some basic yet thought-provoking questions, such as “I hope that I can….“ and ”If I could do anything I would….”

Then Nadalie helps you to see your life years down the road. She helps you to get at what that perfect life would look like and why. (It’s easy to use that map then to work backwards and break down the goals it will take to get there.)

You end the self-exploration with a letter to yourself. It’s a promise to yourself – a letter of intention, to read a year from now. The idea is to look back at it and laugh. Well, that’s my plan anyways! I am going to look back at that letter and laugh and wonder what in the world I was ever so afraid of (as I’m sitting in the sun with a fun drink and my laptop….)

Set your intentions. Do it. Do It Now.

5. Look for sources of motivation and inspiration

Your intention does not have to be your only source of motivation. I like to implement a little trick I learned from watching my mom – make it an obsession.

My mom is fantastically nuts.

When she decides to do something, she is 100% all in. There is no half-way with her. She jumps right in and gives it everything she’s got. It becomes an obsession.

She decided to run, years ago. She has more half-marathons under her belt than my kids have in years. She took up camping and bicycling years back as well, and we all laughed because it became a total lifestyle for her.

But that’s the key.

She turns her goal in to her lifestyle. She becomes obsessed.

Brilliant.

Find different ways to motivate you and inspire you into obsession.

I like to read. So I gather books on any topics, goals or changes I am trying to make. And I learn. As much as I can.

I also use podcasts and Facebook groups. They are a great source of motivation. Quotes inspire me. I love them! I like to use music and photography as well. These are all my sources of inspiration and motivation. Yours will be different. Find what keeps you going and use it.

6. Create a plan for set-backs and barriers

There will be obstacles for you to overcome, for sure. But they don’t have to be the reason for failure. Find a way to go around them.

For me, it was my thinking. I believed I couldn’t pitch. I had it in my mind that pitching was too time-consuming, and since my time is limited, I felt there were better ways to use it. I also believed no one would respond to my cold emails. Crazy, I know, because more often than not, when I do pitch, I get a yes.

For most of us, our road blocks will be mental or emotional. One of my plans to address set-backs is to change my mindset and my way of thinking.

You need to identify your road blocks. Do this in your review process. Once you have identified what caused you to stray, then you can make a plan for addressing it. Because it is going to happen again.

And next time, you will be ready.

Use a mentor, family or friends to help you create a plan for breaking through the barriers.

Remember, they can see things we cannot, because we are too emotionally involved.

7. Review your habits and routines

You cannot expect different results by doing the same old thing.

Shake it up!

What you are doing isn’t working for you. So it’s time to recreate the wheel.

Take a look at your habits and your daily routine. Where do you go astray?

For me, it is in the morning. I wanted to pitch first thing, before I did anything else. So what did I do to make room for this?

Well, I got up at the same time I always do – ten minutes before the kids. I snuggled on the rocking chair with them, got the Kindergartener on the bus, made breakfast, cleaned up the house….

Any ideas on where I went wrong?

In order to make room for your new goal you need to change your daily habits and routines.

My mom does this well, remember? She turns her goal in to her lifestyle. If I expect to pitch every morning, before I do anything else, I need to get up earlier than I used to and go directly to my desk and pitch. Every day. As part of my daily routine.

What habits do you need to change? How can you make room for this in your daily routine?

8. Find an accountability partner

I’m going to enlist the help of my husband. Who better to kick me out of bed in the morning? Plus, if I fail to make any money from pitching, I have him to answer to, right? Perfect!

How about you? Who can you turn to? Who in your life can help keep you on track? You need someone who will hold you accountable, much as moms do for their kids. You need someone you can report to daily on your progress.

This is a great trick when you are trying to curb spending habits. Accountability partners are fantastic when you get the urge to buy something. If you always have to call your accountability partner before purchasing something, it makes it way less fun to actually make the purchase.

You can use this for your goal as well. Trying to lose weight? Find someone who will literally pick you up and take you to the gym every day! No excuses! When my son was too young to drive, the older kids on his football team picked him up and brought him to weightlifting every morning. Religiously. As soon as he could drive himself, he slacked off. Accountability. 😉

My goal is not dead in the water yet. Sure, I have failed thus far. Maybe you have too. But what’s wrong with picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off, and putting one foot right back in front of the other?

The story doesn’t end with failure.

That’s just where the story gets really good.

Let’s do this mommas!

Looking for more on reaching your goals?  Check out these posts!

How to Reach Your Goals in Ten (Not So Easy!) Steps

Three Dirty Secrets to Identifying Your Goals

How to Believe in Yourself Starting Now!

Nine Different Ways You Can Put Your Goals In Writing

Five Techniques You Should Use to Visualize Your Goals

How to Turn Your Goal in to an Action Plan

How to Commit to Your Goals

Four Powerful Reasons to Share Your Goals and How to Get Started