A few years back, I learned that you can use gratitude to be a better mom.
I was struggling. Really struggling. I don’t want to say I was depressed, because I don’t think that I was. But I was stressed to the max and horribly unhappy.
See, being a stay-at-home mom was hard.
I was with my kids all day long. And they were all little. And needy. And I never got a break.
And that was hard.
But it was also hard to keep up with the house, and my homemaking responsibilities. It was up to me to get supper on the table, the clothes washed, the bills paid, and the dishes done. It was hard to do it all, with three little boys in tow.
(And, need I say, while sleep-deprived…)
The hardest part, though, was the finances.
We really, really struggled financially. Raising six children on one income was dang near impossible. Looking back, I wonder how we made it through.
I’d spend my nights sobbing quietly into my pillow. I felt so hopeless and so terribly lost. There was never enough money to pay the bills, much less anything else.
Going back to work seemed like a BAD idea. It would be costly, both financially and mentally. Managing a household and six children, with a full-time job, seemed dang near impossible. The physical and emotional toll would be high.
Plus, daycare would take more than half my paycheck, making it feel like a total waste of time and effort.
But staying home wasn’t working out so well either.
I had to figure out a way to support the household. And nothing I did seemed to work.
Parents do the best that they can with what they have
I remember when I used to work as a school social worker. I worked closely with the county child protection worker at the time.
And she taught me that parents don’t wake up in the morning and just decide “I’m going to be a bad mom today. I’m going to do everything that I can, to make my child suffer today.”
No. Parents mean well. They wake up each day, doing the absolute best that they can do.
They do the best they can with what they have.
And far more often than not, what they have is a lot of stress.
She used to tell me that they received the most child abuse reports during the holidays.
Christmas can be extremely stressful for a struggling family.
And she was right, of course.
Having twins taught me just how much stress can play into parenting.
The more stressed out I was, whether it was finances, relationship problems, exhaustion, or something else entirely, the less patience I had with my kids. And the more I sucked at parenting.
So, during those early years, I had to figure out how to cope.
How could I manage the stress better? Find joy in the little things? And love this time at home with my babies?
I learned how to use gratitude to be a better mom.
If you, too, are struggling, momma, it’s okay. We all do.
But there are things you can do to get through it. You can use gratitude to be a better mom, too.
I’ll show you how I used it and how it helped me to be content in my struggles and present in my day.
Learning those two things made me a better mom.
How to use gratitude to be a better mom
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Now, who in the world, as a stay-at-home mom, has time to feel thankful on a regular basis? 😂 🤣
I didn’t have time to complete a sentence, much less a thought.
I knew I could sit down and write out the things I was thankful for. It’s what most people suggest, and a gratitude journal works great for that.
But I didn’t have time for that.
So I had to find more creative ways to feel thankful. And here’s what worked for me.
One more thing: I’m a Christian. So, as I did these things, I thanked God. If you, too, are Christian, go ahead and thank God for your blessings. It’s incredibly powerful.
If you are not Christian, you can still use gratitude to be a better mom. Instead of thanking God, just say thank you. Like you are just tossing it out there, to whoever will listen.
1. Literally walk around your house and say thank you for each thing
You laugh, I know, but it works!
As I picked up the boys’ clothes, I’d be thankful that they had clothes. (Thank you, Lord, for clothing my children.)
As I made the bed, I’d silently thank my husband for making that big, beautiful bed for us. And as I packed lunches for the boys, I’d be thankful that I didn’t work, so that I could go to the ball games.
If you don’t have time to write down what you are thankful for, try just being thankful for the things you see, as you walk through the house. What do those things mean to you?
Toys all over the floor means your child is entertained and educated. A dirty living room means your family feels at home in their house. And that messy desk and never-ending to-do list means you have a job and the flexibility of working from home.
You can verbally say thank you or you can say it in your head if your family will look at you like you are absolutely nuts. 🙋🏻♀️
2. Say thank you for the things directly related to your struggle
We struggled financially. It really was the only big challenge my husband and I have ever had to overcome. (So far!)
So, I would deliberately be thankful for the food on the table, the hot water to take a shower, and a working washing machine to wash clothes.
I thanked God for the gas in the car, so that my husband could go to work, that the dryer hadn’t taken a crap on us yet, and that our vehicles, as junky as they were, were still running.
If you struggle with your children’s behavior, then be thankful that they are testing their boundaries like they are supposed to. When they are arguing, be thankful that they are standing up for themselves and being assertive.
When they are fighting, be thankful that they are practicing their social skills.
Most child behaviors are perfectly normal. And while they are taxing, we can be thankful that our children are doing what they are supposed to be doing.
If you struggle with your health, be thankful that you can walk. There are those who can’t.
Be thankful for your speech and ability to communicate. Be thankful that you can go outside, dance, sing, etc.
If it’s a relationship, be thankful the other person is still alive. It sounds harsh, I know. But it’s true. It can always be so much worse than what it currently is.
Sure, you might be fighting. But right now, you can still talk to them. You have the opportunity to fix it and the ability to say you’re sorry. You can still forgive.
Always be thankful, especially for those things you are currently struggling with. You will come out of it stronger and more resilient.
3. Mentally list the things you adore about your children
Hhhhh raising kids is hard!
They are constantly challenging us. And driving us nuts.
With two little guys and a big brother only two years older, things occasionally get a little dicey at our house. 😁
And when I really find myself losing patience, I mentally thank God for each adorable little thing about my child.
Thank You for his cute little nose.
Thank You for those adorable dimples.
Thank You for the way his hair feels against my cheek.
Thank You for his infectious giggle.
Thank You for that devilish grin.
Thank You for giving him so much energy.
Thank You for his unconditional love.
It does wonders. Pinky swear.
4. List out your blessings each day or week
Okay, as your kids get older, and you find you have more time, you really can sit down and journal.
You can do it once a week, say, on a Sunday or a Friday. Or, you can do it daily.
You can use gratitude journals, bullet journals, or plain old journals.
For the longest time, I used the Passion Planner. I blogged and freelanced, so I used it in combination with my Lux Productivity Planner. They had sections to list what you are thankful for.
Now I use a planner I created myself and I really like that. I put my own section in there for things I’m thankful for.
I actually have a section in my planner for my prayers, too, and what’s neat is going back and seeing how I was praying for the things that I am now listing out as my blessings. 😁
If you want to find a planner like mine, here is a great post about the different types of blog planners and what you can do with them.
5. Pay attention the beauty of nature
It seems simple, I know, but one of the best ways to feel gratitude is to walk outside and take a look around. Breathe in the air.
Notice the leaves on the trees, the grass swaying in the breeze, and the dog barking in the distance. Feel the sun on your face.
Quiet your mind and just look around you. And be thankful for the beauty you see.
You can do this from inside as well if you need to. Just stand by the window and do the same thing. Drink it all in.
Doing this always seemed to calm me down and remind me that there are things bigger than me and my troubles.
6. Mentally list the things you adore about your husband
Yup! Just like with your kiddos. 😁
This works best if you are just looking at a picture of him, or looking at him while he’s sleeping.
If you stare at him for an extended period of time and mentally list all of the things you love about him, well…. He’ll pick up on that and who knows where that may lead! 😆
I love your green eyes.
I love your sly little grin.
I love the way you love your boys.
I love how easy it is for you to say you are sorry.
I love how selflessly you give of yourself each and every day.
I love your legs. 😁 (Sorry…had to throw that one in – my husband has the sexiest legs I’ve ever seen. Not at all kidding.)
It’s really hard to hate the life you are living and all of its hardships when you remember who you share it all with. 💕
7. Challenge yourself to think of as many things as you can that you are grateful for, while doing the dishes
I don’t know why, but I do my best thinking when I am running, doing the dishes, peeing, or in the shower. 😆
Probably because these are the places where I can (sometimes) finish a thought.
So, if you struggle with alone time, try using any of these places as well, to challenge yourself. List as many things as you can think of, that you are grateful for. They can be huge things or they can be as small as your favorite pen.
Doesn’t matter.
8. Feel thankful for each bill as you pay it
Do this even if you don’t struggle with finances.
We tend to hate paying bills. But that’s kind of silly, isn’t it?
I mean, each of those bills represents something we value enough to pay for it on a regular basis.
So we shouldn’t hate them. We made the conscious decision to add them to our budget. To dole out our precious financial resources for them.
And if we didn’t have the items those bills represented, our lives would be much harder.
Correct?
Thank You for the water bill. It means I can cook, shower, eat, and clean.
Thank You for the electric bill. It gives us lights, heat, TV, music, Wifi, etc.
Thank You for the garbage bill. Sure would hate to have to bury it in my yard. 😆
Thank You for the cell phone bill. It’s handy to be able to keep in touch with family and friends.
Thank You for this credit card bill. It meant I had access to resources when I needed them the most.
Thank you for the mortgage. I love having a place to raise my family.
Capicé? Find joy even in the things that hurt the most.
9. Tell your kids and/or husband thank you
Most of these tips are just ways for you to mentally, quietly be thankful for the things going on in your life. They are ways for you to recognize your blessings and feel gratitude.
But sometimes, it can be incredibly freeing to actually say thank you.
So, if your kids do something amazing, thank them for that! I love to thank my kids when they were particularly good for the day. Let’s be real; we can get a whole lot more done during the day when our kids behave.
But I’ll thank them if they do something I asked. Especially if they didn’t even fight me on it.
I’ll also thank them if I catch them doing something nice for their brothers. That’s always unexpected, very grown-up behavior, and they need to be thanked for it.
I’ll thank my husband when he helps out around the house. As I speak, he is prepping supper. He deserves a big thank you for that.
I’ll thank him for listening to me vent, or for giving up his time to spend it with us.
I’ll even thank him for that cup of coffee he brings me each and every morning, even though I’ve come to expect it. He doesn’t have to do that!
You appreciate your family. So be sure to tell them.
10. Put up signs, pictures or sticky notes of the things you are grateful for
Sometimes it’s just really hard to get into the habit of recognizing your blessings and then being grateful for them.
So, until you get the hang of it, remind yourself! Some neat ways to do this are:
- Hang up “farm signs”. I love these things!! Check out this post, listing all of my favorite farm signs to remind you of your blessings. 😁 You can get neat signs that remind you of your blessings AND they look great.
- If you don’t want to invest that much, make some! There’s tons of DIY farm signs on Pinterest. You can also just print off some of the things you are thankful for, or quotes or sayings, and frame them. Put them around your house. You can even use Canva and make them cute!
- Coasters are another great way to subtly remind you of things you are thankful for. My favorites are about a good cup of coffee, my pup, thanking God at the end of each day, and the American flag. Browse Amazon for some good ones.
- Create screensavers to remind yourself of what you are thankful for. Again, you can use Canva. It’s free. Then put it on your computer and your phone!
- Listen to Christian Rock. Even if you aren’t a Christian. Who cares?!? 🤷🏻♀️ You don’t have to believe in God to benefit from the uplifting, motivating lyrics. They not only make you thankful for simply being alive, but they make you feel powerful, strong, and loved. Something everyone needs.
Or, you can be incredibly obvious, and put sticky notes up all over your house. 😂🤣 I always laugh when people recommend this. The last thing I want guests to see is my innermost thoughts posted all over my house in sticky notes.
Even my boys and hubby would tease me mercilessly for that.
11. Thank God for your blessings at the beginning and end of each day
Okay, my last tip. If you are a Christian, start and end your day thanking God for all you were given. Especially for prayers answered.
Think about it. When you give your kids something, you want to be thanked. Especially if it was just what they asked for.
And, when your kids are grateful for the gifts you give them, aren’t you inclined to keep on giving? 😉
How being thankful helped me to be a better mom
It takes time and a whole lot of practice, to see your blessings even as your entire world is crumbling down around you.
But, if you think about it, that is how the strongest people persevere.
We’re talking about people who have survived real hardships.
Not the stuff you and I go through. We’re talking war heroes, death camps, and even economic hardships, like the Great Depression.
The people who survived those tragedies had some amazing internal strength. And I’m willing to bet that they were able to see their blessings, even in the tragedy.
It’s the stuff movie heroes are made of. Heroes can preserve because they don’t focus on what is wrong. They focus on what is right.
And that’s what counting my blessings has taught me.
It helped me to be more patient
Tip #3, especially. Whenever I found myself losing patience with my kids, just pausing for a moment and mentally listing what I loved about them would bring me back to front and center.
But when you track your blessings, by writing them down, it’s really easy to see the fruits of your patience. Sure, the whole world might be upside down right now. But in three months’ time, you’ll have forgotten all about it.
Unless you go back and see what you were thankful for in that moment.
If all you ever wanted was to be able to pay the bills and still have money left over to throw a few treats in that shopping cart, then the joy you feel on the day that you can spend without worry will be magnified.
And when you see the fruits of patience through one struggle, you are more willing to be patient through another.
This helps me, as a mom, to manage my stress. I remember that I made it through one hard time, so I definitely can endure another. Patiently.
And when you can manage the stress, you automatically parent better. And have more patience for your children.
It helped me to live in the moment
When you are thankful for what you do have, it frees you from worry. And when you are free from worry, you can live in the here and now.
Sure. My washing machine may be on its last leg. But it is working right now.
And worrying about when it goes ca-put isn’t going to actually help anything. So, I might as well be thankful that it is working right now.
The freedom from worry means I don’t have to stress about it. And if I don’t have to stress about it, then I can pay attention to what is happening in the given moment.
Which, let’s face it – it’s our children. In any given moment.
We can be present and give of ourselves freely when we let go of the worry and embrace the blessings.
It helped me to feel real joy
I don’t know. There’s something incredibly freeing about seeing only your blessings.
And that’s what happens after you start deliberately focusing on your blessings. You start to just gloss over the trials. I mean, you know they are there. And you know you need to ‘fix’ them if you can.
You don’t live in la-la land, after all.
But you don’t have to dwell on them. They have no power over you. They are just another problem to solve or a struggle to overcome.
And let’s face it: everyone has struggles. There’s nothing special about us and ours.
So, instead, you focus on what gives you real, everlasting joy: your family.
When you truly appreciate what you have each and every day, none of the extra stuff really matters.
It gave me freedom from always needing and wanting more
When you focus on your blessings, and what you do have, you learn how to live in the moment. You learn how to be content in the moment you are in.
It’s not to say that things couldn’t be better and that you wouldn’t want them to be better. It just means that you know you can be happy, right where you are at. In the situation you are in.
Because you’ve learned that true happiness doesn’t come from some thing or some situation. It comes from within.
And when you are truly happy, you don’t need all of those things. They lose power over you.
Plus, if you don’t always want and need more, then you don’t always feel the need to stress about acquiring more. And if you don’t stress….
You got it. You parent better.
It taught me how to be content with where I was at in life and what I had
I kinda feel like I’m a bit redundant here.
I guess I just can’t reiterate enough how freeing gratitude can truly be.
When you focus on your blessings, you don’t care about what you don’t have. Because you are too busy being absolutely thrilled with what you do have.
At the end of the day…
Everyone struggles. You. Me. The Jones’s down the street. You know them.
They are the ones who have that perfect little house, with those perfect little kids, and that perfect little car. They have a perfect little marriage and perfect little careers.
And you are busy trying to keep up with them.
Yep, them! Told you you knew them. 😁 They struggle too.
People are really, really good at hiding their struggles and only showing their perfections.
So ignore them. Stop trying to compete.
And instead, count your blessings. Focus on what you do have. Be thankful for every.little.thing.in.your.life. Right now.
If you can make gratitude a regular part of your day, you not only will handle stress better and parent better, but you will truly be free. Life’s struggles will no longer have power over you.
And you will be able to live joyously, in every moment. Freely giving of yourself.
So, what are you waiting for! Start right now!! Share three things you are thankful for right now in the comments below.