Do you have trouble getting your child to sleep when you spend the night away from home? Has the struggle ever ruined your plans? Cut your weekend short? Caused you to turn around and go home?
You are not alone!! It is so hard for all us moms to spend the night away from home with our little ones. It usually requires a lot of patience from everyone involved, trust from our kids, and A LOT of self-sacrifice on our parts.
But it CAN be done!! I promise. And this post will make it a little easier for you to pack up and spend the night away from home this summer!
The first night away from home will be rough
Every year my mom would take us all on a weekend get-away. When I say “all of us”, I mean my two brothers, my sister and I – and our families. Twenty people in all (and yes, my family makes up almost half!)
On our last weekend get-away, we went to a summer resort. The twins were almost a year old.
The days were busy, but fun. And although we were often left alone at the cabin while everyone else ventured off for fun, I didn’t mind because there was a park and a sandbox to play in. I couldn’t take them swimming in the pool though because I couldn’t manage three little guys on my own.
By nightfall, I was exhausted. I chased three little ones, all three and under, around all day long.
And then the twins wouldn’t go to sleep.
We were in a strange place. Amongst a bunch of people they didn’t really know. And their normal routine was all shook up.
I knew it was coming when I couldn’t get them to nap that first afternoon. I spent naptime pushing them in the stroller FOREVER, just praying it’d be enough of a rest for them. And hoping they’d be exhausted enough to sleep that night.
They weren’t.
They cried. A lot.
And how does one person handle two crying babies?
She enlists help.
So instead of mom and dad putting the twins to bed, it was mom and Grandma. It only shook them up more.
I barely slept that first night. The second was no better. But by the third, we were getting the hang of the new place. And of course, that was the last night.
You are going to have to make a lot of sacrifices, to make it work
I spent that weekend silently fuming. Everyone was having fun, enjoying their families. And I was pushing swings alone and fighting sleepy kids.
At night, everyone was gathered around the fire, laughing, eating, and having a few drinks. I was pacing the floor with freaked-out little boys.
I was up all night. And I was up at the butt-crack of dawn, while the party-goers slept in until seven or eight.
It wasn’t fun. And my mom felt my frustration, making the whole weekend less enjoyable for her.
But the truth is, I’m the one who made it not fun. Not my boys, and certainly not her.
I’m an old mom. My oldest, at this time, was 17. This wasn’t my first weekend away. I knew what to expect and how to handle it; I just didn’t want to. It was supposed to be a fun weekend. Truth be told, I didn’t want to be mom that weekend. I just wanted to relax and have fun.
But we are moms. And as such, we don’t get a weekend off. Even if we desperately want one. That doesn’t mean that we have to stay home all summer and have absolutely no fun whatsoever! We just have to be a little smarter about how we travel – and how we bed down at the end of the day’s fun.
I had techniques I could have used; tricks up my sleeve. I just didn’t use them. (In my defense, I did parent on auto-pilot that first year! I was merely surviving! Ha!)
So, if you have travel in your plans this summer, and it requires spending a night or two away from home, there are some steps you can take to make it easier on you and on your little one. You can enjoy this time with your little one! Believe me when I say the day will come – all too soon – when you don’t have to worry about getting a little one to sleep away from home.
How to help your little one fall asleep when you are spending the night away from home
1. The absolute first thing you need to do is to lower your expectations
This is where I went wrong on that weekend getaway. I knew I needed to lower my expectations. And I started out that way, with good intentions of being a patient, loving momma. But after a jam-packed, exhausting day and a sleepless night, the crabby momma came bubbling out.
I needed to remember that the twins were tired too, and scared. They were surrounded by a bunch of people they barely knew. They were in a strange place. And at bedtime, they had strange beds, strange noises, strange lighting…strange everything. And I was asking them to relax and go to sleep?!?
I should have remembered this, and been more patient with them. I should have expected less of them, and more of myself.
2. The next best thing you can do is to keep to your normal bedtime routine
This will be real hard in a new place, surrounded by new people. And if you have had a busy day, your whole bedtime might get pushed back later than usual, making the whole bedtime-routine thing that much harder. Plus, your little tyke will most likely be overly tired, adding a whole new, totally fun element into the struggle! 😉
But keep it as similar as you can.
I always liked to bring my own pack-and-play, rather than use the one provided for me. This way, the twins always had the same “away from home” bed. It was familiar. Not as comforting as their own cribs, but way more comforting than what the hotel or cabin provided.
I also always brought their CD player and their lullabye CD. (Yes, I’m that old…we didn’t have music on our phones yet! HA!) The only time this was a problem was when we were tenting it and didn’t have access to electricity. So I’d definitely recommend downloading their familiar lullabye music on to your phone. Or bring a CD player that can run on batteries.
If you have a white noise machine or something else you use, bring it. There is going to be all kinds of unfamiliar noises that will make it hard for your little tyke to relax and fall asleep.
Bring all of the same blankets, stuffed animals and books; anything that your little one uses to fall asleep with at night. Keep everything as similar as possible to home.
Keep your same routine – if you usually do bath, books and bed, then do that. If you usually rock quietly and then sing a song, then do that. Go through the exact same motions you do at home. Vary as little as possible.
3. Be willing to bend a little
It’s good to keep everything as close as possible to the same routine you have at home, but you also need to recognize that this is not home, and your little one is going to be scared, anxious, or worried. So after trying for some time to put your little one down in the same fashion you do at home, you might have to throw in the towel.
You might find it easier to take a walk or a drive. The movement can often put little ones to sleep. And then, if you keep your fingers crossed, you might be able to transfer that sleeping bundle safely into bed.
Or you may have to lay with your child until she feels secure enough to relax, or until she falls asleep. The added comfort of momma in a strange place might be all that she needs. In some cases, you might just have to be willing to co-sleep that night. Which will undoubtedly mean you are going to bed earlier than the rest of your travel party.
Sometimes allowing taboo luxuries at bedtime can distract your kiddo enough to relax him. I will often let my boys fall asleep to a movie when we are on a weekend away from home. Sure, the morning may be brutal. But choose your poison – I choose sleep! Ha.
It might work to let your little tyke stay up a little later as well. The extra play time might be all it takes to completely wear her out, so that she crashes when you finally lay her down for bed. But again, choose your poison. Most kids don’t sleep in late just because they stayed up late, so be forewarned.
4. Do not enlist helpers that your child is unfamiliar with
This was one of my biggest mistakes. I was desperate. I was alone. And I had two screaming babies and one worried little toddler. So I asked my mom for help.
And although the twins knew her, they never knew her at bedtime. Mom and Dad always put them to bed. No one else. So to have someone new do it – even it if was grandma – just added to the strangeness of the whole situation. Rather than relaxing them, it freaked them out and escalated things.
Be sure the same people put your child to bed when you are spending the night away from home. If you are always the one to tuck him in at night at home, then don’t suddenly ask your husband to do it so that you can linger longer at the fire. It will only add to the anxiety level of your child. You need to keep things as close to normal as possible.
5. Contain your environment as much as possible, and then let it go
Obviously, putting a child down for bed at night is going to require a quiet, calm environment. And if you are traveling with a bunch of people, your child’s environment may be anything but. There may be adults laughing loudly and having fun. Music might be playing. The TV might be on. There is a good chance that there will be other kids around, staying up later and making noise.
It is okay to ask your travel companions to quiet down or to move the party elsewhere – to some extent. You have to remember that they are there to have fun and hang out together, not to cater to your child’s bedtime routine. They could become quite resentful if you constantly nag on them to stay quiet for your baby’s sake. And you could just find yourself uninvited the next time around.
The better way to handle it is to control your environment as much as possible. In a cabin, hotel or campground, stake claim on the quietest, most isolated spot that you can find. Grab the room that is in the back of the cabin, away from the living room or kitchen. In a hotel, try to book a room that doesn’t have an outside wall, to cut down the noise. Look for a room that has dark curtains or no windows, to block out the sun, and low lighting, to make it a little more comfortable and cozy.
And bring your noise-canceling machine or soft music to play, to drown out any outside noise.
And that is really the best you can do. After that, it is out of your hands and you simply need to lower your expectations and increase your patience. Because you may find yourself walking the floors or rocking a baby all night. And that is okay.
6. Don’t worry about other people
Seriously. They are adults and can handle themselves. Your job is to take care of your child.
I once had a screaming baby up all night in a campground.
Yep.
There were a lot of unhappy campers in the morning!
But I couldn’t worry about them. If I did, I would be even more uptight and even more tense than I already was. I would have been desperately trying to get my little guy to sleep, and that added responsibility of keeping the neighboring campers happy would have added so much more tension to an already stressful situation.
And believe me when I say kids can feel your tension, anxiety, and frustrations.
If you are all worked up, they think they should be too. They take their lead from you. If you are upset, angry or frustrated, their alarms trigger and they mirror your emotions.
So the best thing you can do is stay calm. Use your patience. And radiate love.
Let all of those other travelers take care of themselves. You do not need that stress or responsibility. You already have plenty to be responsible for. They can figure out how to sleep with a crying baby.
After all, it’s not like you don’t have to!
And that’s it! It’s not easy, traveling and staying the night away from home, with little ones. Sometimes it can be downright miserable. But it does get easier, with each time you do it. Just like anything else, it is a learned skill. You get better and better at managing the whole thing, and your child gets more and more comfortable with strange places. Your child will soon learn to trust you, and to know that you are not abandoning him in some weird place.
So keep trying!