Are you looking for a few ways to make potty training easier?
Maybe you’ve been trying for what feels like years to get little Jonny trained!! And you are ready to throw in the towel. He can stay in diapers ‘til he’s twenty for all you care!
I know; kids can be so frustrating sometimes!! And it makes us moms want to pull our hair out or lock the doors and scream as loud as we can. But little Jonny isn’t trying to be a big pain in your butt.
Promise.
He’s simply exerting his independence and hanging on to one of the very few things he has control over in his life; when and where he pees. 😜
But, since he really can’t stay in diapers until he is twenty, we should pick up our torch and carry on.
No worries Momma! I can help you through this. I’ve trained SIX little guys of my own! I’ve seen it all, done it all.
And I will help you walk through it all as well.
So, let’s join forces Momma! We’ll get little Jonny trained!
In this post, we’ll cover why children may resist potty training; it makes potty training easier if we understand why our children are resisting us in the first place.
And then I will go over sixteen different tips, techniques or ‘hacks’ that you can use to make potty training easier, not only for little Jonny, but for Momma as well. 😏
So, let’s get started!
Knowing Why Toddlers Resist Potty-Training Will Make Potty-Training Easier on You
There are a few reasons why your toddler might be resisting your potty-training efforts. And it isn’t because he is just naughty.
It could be that your child is fighting to maintain his independence. Or maybe he is simply not ready yet. Or it could be something bigger going on, something that you need to consult with an expert about.
So, if your toddler is fighting you in this, step back for a minute, and see if it could be something else. Something more than just a plain ol’ stubborn child. 😉
Sometimes Toddlers Fight Potty-Training Because They Are Asserting Their Own Independence
Think about it for a minute.
How many things do our children actually have control over in their day?
We decide when they are going to get up, where they are going to spend their day, what they are going to do, and who they are going to do it with. We choose what they will eat, what they will wear, and when they will go to bed at night.
We dictate their entire day.
There are few things that they actually have control over. Their bodily functions are one of them.
Try as we might, we cannot actually force our children to eat. They have to move their mouths and chew their food; we can’t do it for them.
And we can’t force them to urinate or have a bowel movement. They have to actually do it themselves.
So, it’s no wonder our babies fight us on this!! They are at that age where they have learned that they are independent of mom and dad; they aren’t just an extension of us. They are their own unique, little (adorable!) individual.
And they want to test that out, to see how it feels, and to use that independence as much as they possibly can.
So, if little Jonny is having a hard time potty-training, don’t freak out just yet. It’s nothing you are doing wrong Momma!! It’s just little Jonny being…well, a kid. 😃
Toddlers Have Just Discovered That They are Independent of Mom and Dad
When your child was a baby, he was totally dependent on you. For everything. But as he grew and developed into a toddler, he slowly learned that he is not simply a part of you – he has his own body, mind and personality.
And now he is busy testing his independence out.
He is trying everything! Which is oh, so very tiring for mom.
And your little toddler is busy saying NO to everything you suggest. Because, well, he just learned that he can! 😂 🤣
Potty training is just one more thing that he is going to resist.
He’s busy learning his limits, learning the boundaries, and testing the rules. And it’s so very crucial to his development that he does do this.
So, while it’s hair-pulling annoying for mom, it’s actually good that your toddler is resisting you. It is what he is supposed to be doing at this age.
(And hang on to your hat Momma – he’ll do it again as a teenager!!)
Knowing that it’s normal for your toddler to resist you – at potty training and at everything else – doesn’t make it any easier though. I know. I get it!
That’s why we will walk through a few ways to make potty training easier for you. 😉 But there are other reasons your child might be fighting you with potty training, as well.
Your Toddler Might Not Be Ready Yet
While is it true that some kids will deliberately fight you on potty training, absolutely refusing to go, it might not be the case with your child.
It might be that your child just isn’t capable of potty training yet.
There are some things that your toddler needs to be able to do before he is ready to be potty-trained. He needs to able to follow directions, to undress himself, and to have some control over his bladder. If he can’t do these things, actually using the big potty will be a challenge for him.
He also needs to be able to understand what it is that you are asking of him. If he is too young or immature, he may not possess the knowledge and understanding necessary to follow your directions and use the big potty.
The best thing you can do, if you think this is the issue, is to back off and give your child some more time. Wait a couple of months, or until your child is a bit older. It will make potty training easier if your child is ready to be potty trained.
Wondering how to know when your child is ready to be potty-trained? Check out this post for some common signs.
But what if you don’t think your child is asserting his independence, and you are pretty sure he is ready to be potty-trained?
You Might Need Professional Help
Oftentimes, if there is something seriously wrong in a child’s life, it will ‘come out’ during potty training.
I talked about this a bit in my post on The Secret to Potty-Training Your Child. Sometimes the problem isn’t the child at all, but something else that has happened to the child.
If your child has been abused or neglected, signs of abuse could become evident during potty training.
For example, getting undressed might all of a sudden be an issue. Or you may notice bruising or swelling around the genitals. Your child may avoid your touch, or it may seem like he is always worried about disappointing you.
These could be signs of physical, emotional or sexual abuse, and you may want to cease all potty-training activities and talk to a doctor.
Another red flag is if your child all of a sudden starts having accidents again.
This could be a sign that he is dealing with some sort of emotional issue. Because it’s hard for toddlers to communicate this, it could ‘come out’ as bedwetting instead.
Don’t get angry or shame the child. Instead, try to figure out what is wrong. Seek out the advice of a professional. Once you tackle whatever the issue may be, the bedwetting should cease.
Potty-training struggles could be related to physical problems as well. In my post on potty-training secrets, I talked about how we discovered that my son was horribly constipated.
He wasn’t trying to defy us or be disobedient; he just simply couldn’t have a bowel movement, even if he wanted to.
Sometimes there is more going on than what meets the eye. If you’ve tried everything, and it’s just not working, it may be time to call in the experts. Press the pause button and consult with your doctor.
Tips for Making Potty-Training Easier
Before we dive into actual tips, tricks and strategies you can use, I do want to talk about a few things.
Because potty training isn’t universal. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to do it.
Below is a list of different strategies that you can use, but you get to pick and choose which strategies you actually implement. No one is going to force you to use any of them.
Some of them I will stand by and declare to be true, until the day I die. But you might find those very same strategies repulsive. 😂 🤣 And that’s okay!
As long as our children aren’t being abused, neglected or traumatized, the floor is open! The beauty of raising our children is that we get to raise them according to our own values and lifestyles.
And no one else should judge us for that.
There is No Right or Wrong Way to Potty-Train
So, whether your child is 18 months or four years, it doesn’t matter. And whether or not you choose a big potty or a little potty isn’t an issue. You can use reward charts, or you can teach your child to be intrinsically motivated.
It’s all up to you.
Not your mom, not your sister, and definitely not the lady down the road. YOU decide. There are tons of people who are going to tell you how to raise your child – but in the end, it is your decision.
So, use techniques that work well for you, your family’s lifestyle, and your family values. And keep in mind that these techniques may change over the years.
The way you potty-train little Jonny right now might not be the same way you potty-trained his big sister, Annie. You have grown and changed as a mom, and your techniques are going to reflect that.
Plus, your family has grown and changed. What worked then might not work now, or vice versa. Annie may have been an only child, and you may have been completely and utterly in-tune to everything going on with her.
Jonny might be the youngest of six! And it could be a busy household. 😂 🤣 Potty training is going to look a little bit different for him.
And that is okay.
It’s also good to note that not all children will respond to the same techniques in the same way. Your potty training might not have changed at all, but you may discover that what worked with Annie won’t work with little Jonny.
And that, too, is okay.
Not all Children will Respond to the Same Technique in the Same Way
Some kids love reward charts and prizes, others do not. Stickers will work for some. And some children will love using the big potty, while others will be scared of it!
Potty training is a lot of guesswork and trial & error. When you find something that works, stick with it! 🤣 😂 Until then, keep trying. Introduce a new technique every so often, until you find one that your toddler can embrace.
The key is to be consistent. Don’t try something today and then give it up and try something else tomorrow. That could confuse your child.
And definitely stay consistent with potty training itself. It’ll utterly destroy your efforts if you work hard to potty-train today and then take the day off tomorrow! You’ll confuse your child as well.
The Best Way to Make Potty-Training Easier for Everyone is to Make Sure YOU Are Ready
You need to be in the proper mindset. You are leading your toddler in this new venture, and if you aren’t ready, then you can’t help your child.
You need to be committed to this whole ordeal! That means once you start, you can’t stop! Or you will ruin any progress you have made, and when you start again, it will be that much harder to convince your child to potty-train.
You also need to keep your emotions in check.
It’s so easy to lose our patience when we are potty-training! Or, to shriek in utter terror! (Like, if your child pees on the floor…or poops in the bathtub). These things are normal and do happen. But if we over-react, or if we shame our child, then we will emotionally harm our child.
So, take care with your emotions. Be neutral in almost every circumstance. But of course, cheer and celebrate success!
If you need help preparing yourself for this big adventure, go back and read The Secret to Potty-Training Your Child.
Strategies to Make Potty Training Easier on Mom & Child!
1. Put Your Child in Underwear
This one I will stand by until I die.
If you put your child in underwear it will set your potty-training schedule on the fast track.
There is nothing that can teach a child faster than a few wet accidents in his underwear. I know, I know, clean-up sucks. But the end result is so totally worth it.
And I know that you may be worried about the emotional scarring that may accompany an accident. I get that. Because peeing in your pants – and seeing mom’s reaction to it – can be devastating.
But it’s easy to avoid.
Simply don’t go anywhere. Well, in as much as you can. 😁
Also, don’t have anyone over to your house while potty-training (so there are no on-lookers for your child to feel ashamed in front of) and be extremely mindful of your own verbal and nonverbal language. You need to build your child up right now, not shame him or tear him down.
So, if he has an accident, be sure to normalize it. Reassure him that it is okay; that he didn’t make it to the potty this time, but we get to try again next time. Don’t let him see any frustration from you.
Respond with an over-all “Let’s get ’em next time Tiger!” kind of attitude.
2. Stock Up on Cleaning Supplies
Seriously. You are going to need them.
I like vinegar, for the urine in the carpet, and Clorox Clean Ups, to clean up ‘sprinkles’ – that are more like gushers – all over the floor and potty in the bathroom. Plus, you will want them to wipe down the potty chair after each use.
You will also need plenty of paper towels, rags, heavy items (place something heavy on top of a rag on the wet spot – it’ll soak it up faster), carpet cleaner and laundry detergent.
You also want to make sure you have enough underwear, pants and socks to make it through a week of training (less if you do laundry more often) and pull-ups for nighttime.
Speaking of nighttime, you may want to purchase a mattress protector as well – and for your bed, if you co-sleep. I have learned to keep a big body pillow between me and my Little Man A. That way I can’t roll past it and roll into a ‘wet spot’ if he has an accident. It’s my barrier.
Oh, and wine. Or coffee. Maybe some tea. Something nice and relaxing for you – you will need a little treat. 😂 🤣
3. Use a Potty Chair
that Goes Directly on the Toilet
Okay, this one is another pet-peeve of mine. I swear by the big potty, and never used the toddler potty chairs. But, to each their own.
If you want to try this, then I highly encourage you to do so! But if you say, “nah!”, then that’s okay!
My line of thinking? Why train your child in a little toddler potty, only to start all over again in the big potty?
(And who wants that added mess?)
Our children want to be just like mommy and daddy. Why discourage them by giving them a baby chair?
Let them sit on the big potty, just like mommy and daddy do.
They have itty bitty tiny butts, though, so use a chair that goes right on top of the potty. That way they won’t fall in.
One good thing about these kinds of chairs: They are pretty portable. Easier to stash one of them in the car for grandma’s house than a huge, chunky toddler potty chair.
And way less messy.
4. Use Pull-Ups at Night
Yes, it’s time to do away with the diapers completely. You don’t want your child to feel like he’s taking a step backwards at bedtime. He may wonder why he uses underwear during the day but still has to wear a diaper at night.
He may get attached to his big boy underwear and even refuse to wear a diaper at night. (Kids just love the feel of underwear after coming out of a diaper!)
So, use a pull-up at first. (Or, underwear with rubber pants over them.) Just until he gets better at making it through the day. Then you can transition to underwear at night as well.
Just explain the difference between daytime underwear and nighttime underwear in a non-demeaning, kind, gentle sort of way.
Staying dry all night is extremely hard for kids. It is not uncommon for children as old as 8 to still wet the bed from time to time. The harder the sleeper, the easier it is to have an accident.
So, it’s all about your mindset here – just get it in your head that this stage too shall pass.
Yes, you may be doing a bunch of laundry. But hey – you aren’t buying diapers. 😉
5. Watch for Cues
Keep an eye on your child. Watch for verbal and nonverbal cues telling you when they have to go potty.
You might be able to tell if your child is busy playing, then all of a sudden, stops and stands perfectly still. He might get a certain look on his face. Or stare at you in a dead panic. He might start grabbing at his crotch or doing a little jig.
You know your child – watch for his signal and book it (in a non-panicky format) to the bathroom! 🤣 😂
6. Set a Timer
When I was potty training, I had a lot going on! And so, I wasn’t always so good at watching for nonverbal signals.
I solved the problem by setting the timer. I only did this with the twins, but it turned out to work so beautifully that now I highly recommend it to all moms.
I started out with just 20 minutes. I literally set the timer for every 20 minutes, and when it beeped, we went potty. After they got the hang of 20 minutes, I moved it up to 25, and then 30, and then 35, and so on and so forth.
Yes, it is time-consuming, but hey, it got the job done!
7. Do Not Shame or Scold
This is huge!
Do you want someone shaming you or telling you how horrible you are when you are trying to learn something new?
No, me either.
And potty training is no different.
It is a new skill that a child must learn.
Yes, it is extremely frustrating and difficult when they don’t ‘cooperate’ with us. But we have to remember that accidents happen and children are supposed to be defiant at this age.
And it is so easy to scream, holler, yell, scold, and shame our children during this excruciating lifestyle change – recall my husband’s story of our first-born? We all do it.
But if you do the work before-hand – if you make the mindset changes that are necessary for a successful and joyful potty-training experience, then it will be easier to handle the set-backs, defiance and frustrations that are bound to come with it all.
Remember, it’s your child’s job to learn the new skill and your job to keep the whole experience positive for him. This isn’t your win and it isn’t your loss.
You are the coach and the cheerleader.
Offer support and “better luck’s next time”, not episodes of shame.
8. Be Consistent
You cannot train one day and then not the next. You can’t train at home and then put him in a diaper or pull-up when you venture out. And you can’t train at daycare but not at home, or at grandma’s house, but not at daycare.
You need to be consistent across all boards. You train. Period. Everywhere you go. Every day. In the exact same way.
If he wears underwear at home, he can’t wear a pull-up at daycare. So, talk to your provider before you start, and get on the same page.
If he sleeps in underwear, he can’t sleep in a pull-up at grandma’s house.
And if you train today, you don’t get a day off tomorrow – no excuses. It doesn’t matter if the president is coming for dinner. 😂 🤣
You need to send a consistent message across all fronts. Everyone who cares for your child has to be on the same page as you. Everyone needs to handle potty training in the same format.
There can be no confusion on the child’s part. He has enough to worry about. He doesn’t need to try to figure out which rules apply at who’s house and why.
9. Set a Routine
A routine makes training so much easier.
Just wake up? Go potty.
Sitting down to eat? Go potty first.
Going outside? Go potty first.
Naptime or bedtime? Go potty first.
Time for a bath? Go potty first.
Leaving the house? You guessed it – go potty first. 😂 🤣
Every time you transition from one activity to the next, go potty first.
It makes for a nice way to transition, and it also is a great way to ‘accidentally’ pee in the potty.
Plus, it really is a good habit for your children to have. Why wouldn’t you pee before you go outside, go to bed or leave the house? They are natural times to use the bathroom, so you might as well teach him now.
10. Use Just One or Two People to Train Your Child
This could get tricky if your child goes to daycare or has more than one caregiver. But I think it is important for consistency and more importantly, to protect your child’s emotional health.
Potty training is a high-risk time for abuse. Emotions are high. Frustration is even higher. It’s easy for any well-intended caregiver to lose it.
If you keep your caregivers down to a minimum during this time, you stand a better chance of monitoring what is going on.
I’d take extra precaution to only let someone you totally one hundred and eighty percent trust to care for your child during this potty-training season. Someone you know will handle his emotions with gentleness right now – someone whom you know can reign in their own frustrations and anger quickly and easily, without letting it harm your child.
And someone who will stay on the same page as you – use the same tips, tricks, and techniques as you do, when it comes to potty training, so that there is no confusing your child.
11. Make it Fun.
It’s starting to sound a little tense, isn’t it? Well, it doesn’t have to be!
Potty training can be a fun time! And there are lots of different ways to make it fun for both you and your child.
My mother-in-law kept special snacks and books, just for the potty! You can try that. Or, you can tell stories while your child goes potty, making her the hero of the story!
I liked to use songs and dances to keep it fun.
With the twins, their big brother and I would grab them and form a “potty train” and ‘chug-a-chug’ all the way to the bathroom. They couldn’t wait for their turn to be the caboose, because we were a bumpy train, and would bump our bottoms into each other on the way, sending the caboose flying!
My mom knew their love of sports and enticed them with a game of catch all the way to the bathroom, where they scored a touchdown when they peed in the potty. 😂 🤣 They couldn’t get enough!
Find your own ways to make it a fun experience for everyone involved. Learning to pee in the potty doesn’t have to be drudgery. It can be wonderful memories.
12. Remain Calm
And potty on!!
Accidents happen.
The truth is, your child will occasionally be defiant. He will refuse to go. He will get into a power struggle with you. And he will test these new rules, these new limits. He may even ask for his diapers back.
Hold strong but remain calm.
Use these tools and techniques to avoid power struggles.
And above all else, remember, this is his experience, not yours. He will be potty-trained; when he is ready. No one stays in diapers forever.
Relax. Stay calm. And know it will happen. Eventually. Until then, the earth will keep spinning.
13. Use a reward system.
I only used a reward system once – with my third child. He was my hardest to train and so I was grasping at straws.
How it worked:
We had a chart on the wall by the potty and he received a sticker every time he went potty in the potty. When he got five stickers in a row, he got to choose a prize from the basket (also displayed…just out of reach…in the bathroom.) He loved this chart and tried so hard to make it work for him.
What we didn’t know?
He was totally and completely constipated. He had no hope of being potty-trained until we took care of the constipation issue.
Once we learned that, a chart wasn’t necessary. He was ready and willing to learn without it! But having a potty chart can be lots of fun!
14. Train Outside
A tad controversial, I’m sure. But I swear by it! It worked well for me.
Of course, I have all boys.
And I live in the country.
There’s lots of different strategies for training boys.
I know some people will put a Cheerio in the potty and tell their boys to aim for it. I’ve never done that.
But I have told them to drop trough and pee wherever they please. 🤣 😂
They get a kick out of that. Apparently, there is something extremely satisfying about peeing outdoors. 🤷🏻♀️
All I can say is, if you have boys, you live in the country, and its summer while you are potty-training, then give it a try. It might make all the difference. But be sure you teach them when and where it is appropriate, or you’ll have a little guy dropping trough and peeing in the middle of the grass at a high school track meet! 🤦🏻♀️
15. Stay home as much as possible.
Definitely NOT necessary. I’m not grounding you. 😂 🤣 But it does make training easier.
(If you recall my stories, they all had a similar theme….it got tricky out in public…)
If you like an adventure, you are a relatively calm person in the midst of chaos, and you are up for anything, then head on out during potty-training season. It is all in your mindset, after all.
You can do it. You just have to make certain provisions for your outing.
But if you like easy street, then just stay home. You can venture out once your child is trained.
16. Celebrate Success
Celebration can be in any way you choose.
It can be a slap on the back with a ‘good job’ or a whoop-whoop! 🙌🏻 🙌🏻 raise the roof.
It can be a touch down after a game of football, a reward or a special snack. Or it can be a song and dance. It doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you find a way to let your child know that he did it, and that he did it well.
Our children like to please us.
So, when they do something pleasing to us, it is important that we let them know that we are, indeed, pleased.
And, success begets success.
When you do something well, you want to do more of it, right?
Well, kids are no different.
If your little guy pottied well, and you praised him for it, he will want to do it. Again and again. Capitalize on that ~ Use That!
Remember the Wine!!
Oh yeah, I forgot the wine!
At the end of the day, celebrate your success – a job well done at keeping it together during a trying season! Collapse on that couch and have yourself a glass of wine!
Or take a bubble bath, binge watch Netflix…whatever it is that helps you to unwind at the end of the day.
And remember, potty training isn’t about you. If you are struggling to get your child trained, that doesn’t mean you are a bad mom. Likewise, if it’s going really well, that doesn’t mean you are a super hero!
It’s your child’s work, not yours. So, don’t beat yourself up if this is hard!! Just take it one day at a time, one trip to the bathroom at a time.
Remember to stay calm, stay consistent, and only begin when your child is ready. Try some of the strategies listed in this post, and then come on back and let me know how it goes! What worked well for you, and what didn’t?
Oh ~ and bring the wine. We’ll have a glass while we chat!
