How to Be a Stay at Home Mom:  A Completely Honest Guide to Becoming A SAHM

Hey there momma, are you wondering how to be a stay-at-home mom?  I must tell you; it isn’t easy!  😁  Being a sahm is hard work!

I know everyone thinks stay-at-home moms sit on the couch all day, watching Netflix, eating bonbons, and drinking wine…but that is just not at all true.  😂🤣

I have been a sahm for seven years now.  And it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 

The hardest part about being a sahm for me was:

😱  Finances – it was a REAL struggle to make ends meet

😱  Managing my day – it was pure chaos (at first!)

😱  Productivity – I like to get things done!  And I couldn’t…. 😩

😱  A lack of alone time – I’m an introvert and need quiet alone time to refuel

😱  A loss of identity – I went from being a department manager to being…well, I wasn’t quite sure what 😆

BUT…. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  💕

My boys are all in school now, momma, and I’m STILL a sahm.  And I LOVE IT.  Why?

❤️ I am always here for my boys, whenever they need me, even as adults

❤️ I love spending time with my kids

❤️ I never have to worry about where they will go or what they will do if school closes, they are sick, or, heaven forbid 🙄 we must quarantine

But the biggest reason? Because I honestly believe that being a mom is the most important thing I will ever do.  And I want to do it right.

And so do you!  So, let’s talk about how to be a stay-at-home mom!

How to afford to be a stay-at-home mom

The first thing every potential stay-at-home mom wants to know is:  how do you afford to be a sahm?

😂🤣

And the honest answer is:  you don’t.

Even if your husband makes $250,000 a year, it can still be hard to afford to be a stay-at-home mom.  Why?  Because most people do not live below their means; they live at or above them.

So, the amount of money you make really has nothing to do with it.  It’s what you do with that money that counts. 

If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, you will need to make some lifestyle adjustments.  And they aren’t always easy ones.

If you want to become a stay-at-home mom, there are really only two ways to do it:  you just jump in and hope for the best, or you plan for it.

{How to be a stay at home mom} Option #1:  Take the plunge

When I decided to stay home, it was out of pure necessity.  I had four children at home; a 15-year-old, a 13-year-old, a 9-year-old, and a 1-year-old, when I found out I was pregnant…with twins.  😂🤣

There was no way I could afford to put three children – all two and under – in daycare.  Not to mention, how would I find a daycare that would take them all!?!  The daycares in my area are in-home family childcare providers, and usually can only have two children two and under.

So, since daycare would cost me almost more than I made, I decided to stay home. With no real plan of action.  And knowing that it would be hard – we were barely making ends meet the way it was…

It was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

And it was literally the hardest part of my entire life. 

Managing little children all day is hard.  Managing little children all day when you are worried about money is even harder. 

I would not recommend it.  If there is a way for you to prepare, financially, for staying home, I would take that route.  And avoid any unnecessary hardships.

Stressed-out moms don’t make good moms.

But, if you, too, are stuck between a rock and a hard place, and need to just jump in, there are a few things you can do, to make it a bit easier.

#1:  If you just jump into being a sahm, mentally prepare yourself for tough times ahead

The biggest thing you can do is prepare yourself, mentally.  It’s gonna be tough, momma. There is no way around it.

But you must be tougher.

There is no room for pansy A$$e$ here!  😂🤣

(I know, I know…I never swear.  But I really need to drive this point home!!)

You need to be mentally strong, to make it through.  The days are long when you are home all day. The years fly by, but when you are stressed about money, the minutes between one poopy diaper and the next can be excruciatingly painful.

I think I spent the first year in a frenzied state of survival.  I didn’t control or manage anything.  Instead, I reacted from one loud, tearful situation to the next.  And I’m not just talking about the babies.  😆

After I got my bearings under me and started managing my day a little bit better (thank you hubby, for helping me through that! 💕) I was able to pay attention to my mental and emotional health. 

Over the years, I learned a few things to help me make it through staying home.  I’m thankful for those hard times, because now I know I have the skills to make it through anything!

Here are the skills I learned, momma, that I recommend you learn, as well. Without these coping skills, I’d still be a puddle!

➢  Use gratitude

One of the very first things I did was teach myself how to be thankful for what I did have.  I spent so much time focusing on what was wrong, that all it did was drag me down and stress me out even more.

It’s too hard to give your kids the love they need if you are obsessing over everything that is wrong in your life.  So, I started deliberately being thankful for every.little.thing.

And it changed my life!!

If you need help getting started, read this post: 

11 Easy Ways You Can Use Gratitude to Be a Better Mom.

➢  Listen to Christian Rock

An odd little tip, I know.  😂🤣 But I was desperate to feel good.  Everything about my situation sucked.

We had no money.  I had no job. I lost my identity.  And I was stuck home all day with three little guys who literally hung on my every move.  It was tough!

I remembered that I had some Christian Rock songs tucked away somewhere, that my stepmom had given me.  So, I started listening to them.

And my mood improved immediately!  😁

It’s hard to feel bad when someone is constantly telling you how special you are.  😆

Christian Rock is very empowering, very motivating music.  You don’t have to be a Christian to reap benefits from being lifted up like that every day!

I still listen to Christian Rock.  In fact, I am right now.  😁 

If you need help getting started, check out my favorite playlist in this post: 

My Favorite Playlist for Running on the Treadmill

➢  Get rid of negative thoughts

I spent a lot of time learning how to focus on the positive.  It’s really hard to do when your life seems to be falling apart around you!  😆  But I learned that things aren’t always what they seem.

And it’s really just a matter of perspective.

So, I deliberately started ‘flipping the switch’ by catching myself every time I had a negative thought and turning it around into a positive one.  It helped!

If you need help getting started, check out this post: 

Your Inner Reality: Change Your Thoughts and You Can Change Your Life

➢  Start running

There’s no doubt that it’s hard to sneak in some exercise when you are a stay at home mom.  But… it’s crucial. 

My husband or big boys would watch the little boys for me so that I could go for a run.

And that is when I burned off steam, anger, frustration, and just kind of regrouped.  It was my quiet alone time.

I’d pop my earbuds in, put on that Christian Rock, and hit the road, momma!  Never felt so good and so alive!

Running releases all kinds of feel-good chemicals.  Scientists compare a runner’s high to the same euphoric effect some drugs can have. 

That is why I recommend running over any other form of exercise – you need that runner’s high, to face those little ones every day!  😁

If you aren’t sure how to find time to run, check out this post: 

How to Sneak in Some Exercise as a Sahm.

➢  Read the bible

In 2021, I decided to read the bible.  The entire thing. 

[This post contains a couple of affiliate links, momma, to products I know and love. I only recommend products I know and love, and if you decide to purchase the product, I earn a very small commission from that purchase. It costs you nothing extra. You can read more about it in my disclosure policy.]

I had one of those that you can read in a year.  So, I did it!!

And it literally changed my life.

If you struggle with self-identity, momma, then read the bible. 

I struggled with knowing who I was and what my purpose was – other than raising all of these boys, of course.  😆  But that all changed when I read the bible.

It is the single best self-help book on the market!  Why wouldn’t you check it out?!? 🤣😂

The Bible not only helped me figure out who I was and what my purpose in life was, but it also helped me to live and parent better.

If there was only one thing on this list that you could do, to make staying home so much easier for you, that would be my number one top tip. 

Read the bible.

#2:  If you just jump into being a sahm, immediately cut expenses

3 things you should do when you become a stay at home mom

The next thing you should think about if you just jump right into this sahm gig is cutting expenses. 

Because there is never enough money.  😂🤣

I’d start with tracking where you spend your money, just for a couple of weeks.  Write down every time you spend any money – where it was, what it was, and how much it was.

Then add to that all your monthly bills and subscriptions.  Get a real idea of how much you spend, and on what.

Next, figure out what your budget currently is, and what you think it needs to be, for you to stay home.

Then, start slashing.  😆

What do you need to get rid of, to stay home?  Is it doable?

We had to get rid of A LOT.  Some, I could live without.  (I don’t remember the last time I went clothing shopping – for myself!  😂🤣)

And some of the cuts we had to make were huge sacrifices.  That sucked.

But hey!  We got through it!  And so will you.

The key is to be realistic.  Don’t think you can live off $400 in groceries when you currently spend $1,000.  😬

If you need help, check out some of these posts:

Know Where Your Money Comes From

10 Super Clever Ways to Save Money as a New Parent

21 Tips for Saving Money

Spend Too Much on Groceries?  Here’s How to Save Money On Groceries

How to Pay Yourself First

How to Create a Budget as a Stay-at-Home Mom

#3:  If you just jump into being a sahm, pick up a side gig

If your budget doesn’t balance no matter how much cutting you do, you may need to pick up a side gig.

But hey, no worries, momma!  A lot of SAHMs love having a side gig, mostly because it gives them something of their own to pursue, outside of motherhood.

Common side gigs include blogging, of course, 😁 freelancing, and contract work.  If you want to start your own business and work from home so that you, too, can be a sahm, then read  31 Best Side Hustles for Stay-at-Home Moms.

{How to be a stay at home mom} Option #2:  Plan for it

Hopefully, you don’t just have to jump right in, momma, headfirst!!  Hopefully, you can be a little more strategic about staying home, and plan for the move.

If I had to do it all over again and had the luxury of doing it right, this is how I’d do it:

#1:  If you are planning to stay home, save as much money as possible

I would start by putting aside as much money as you can right now, while you are still working so that you have a little nest egg.  Living off one income is hard.  There may be times when you fall short, and it’ll be nice to have a little extra tucked away, to make it through.

Saving money isn’t easy, though.  You might have to cut out other expenses and tuck that money away instead.  You’ll have to make some cuts when you are a sahm, though, so this will be good practice!

If you need a little help getting started, check out these posts:

Know Where Your Money Comes From

10 Super Clever Ways to Save Money as a New Parent

21 Tips for Saving Money

Spend Too Much on Groceries?  Here’s How to Save Money On Groceries

How to ‘Pay Yourself First’

#2:  If you plan on staying home, pay off debt

how to afford staying home as a sahm

Paying off debt isn’t easy.

You may need to make temporary cuts in your budget so that you can put all of your extra money into that debt.

Any windfalls should also go into that debt. Along with any reimbursements, extra income, etc.

If you pick up a side gig, consider using some of that income to pay down debt as well.

You may be able to pull out of savings to pay down some debt, consolidate debt, or use your 401K when you leave your job.

If you have debt or additional expenses it will hurt your budget when you are a sahm.

If you need help getting started, check out these posts:

4 Debt Reduction Strategies: How Will You Crush Your Debt?

Paying Off Christmas Debt

#3:  If you are planning to stay home, pick up a side gig

You might want to pick up a side gig now, before staying home.  Starting your own business right now can help it grow before staying home, bringing in some much-needed extra income a lot sooner, once you stay home.

It can also help you make some extra money right now, to stash away before you stay home.  It’s a win-win!

Here is a great post for you to figure out what kind of business you’d like to start:  31 Best Side Hustles for Stay at Home Moms.

#4:  If you are planning to stay home, cut expenses

Saving money is very hard, unless you pick up a side gig and save literally all that money. The only other thing you can do to save money is cut expenses. 

Cutting expenses will allow you to tuck away the money you would have spent into savings. That way you’ll have a nice little nest egg for when you are ready to stay home.

But cutting expenses now also gives you practice. What will your budget look like when you are home?  What will you have to cut, in order to balance that budget?

Do it now! Before becoming a sahm, so that you know what it feels like…aka, how much it will hurt.  😂🤣

After trying it out for a month or two, you’ll know if you want to take that on for real.  😉

If you need help cutting expenses, check out these posts:

21 Tips for Saving Money

Spend Too Much on Groceries?  Here’s How to Save Money On Groceries

How to make money as a stay-at-home mom

The next biggest question on most stay-at-home moms’ minds is how to make money as a sahm.

Now, I know there are a lot of articles out there that say “Just do this!  I did and I make millions!”  😂 🤣

Let’s be real, momma.  It doesn’t work like that.  If it did, everyone would be doing it. And everyone would be rich.  (And staying home!)

Trying to make money as a sahm is HARD. 

Faint-of-heart need not apply.

You have a million different options. And although all are plausible, not all are feasible.  You have tiny little humans to take care of, after all.

And let’s face it: pursuing a side gig is never part-time!  I know, I know, everyone says it is.  😂🤣  But to actually ‘make it’ with any side gig, you must treat it like the business it is.

Go in knowing you’ll have to put a lot of work into it. And you won’t be paid for it.  Possibly for a very long time.

I didn’t start making money until my 4th year of blogging.  And even then, it was so small that I couldn’t rely on it.

The other thing to remember is to never give up!  😂 🤣  I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to quit, and how many other mom bloggers do.  But quitting never gets you to that finish line, momma. 

You must be willing to persevere.

If you are serious about starting a side gig, then read these posts:  

31 Best Side Hustles for Stay-at-Home Moms

Passive Income for Active Mommas

How to Become a Self-Sufficient Mompreneur

What should I be doing as a stay-at-home mom?

What do stay-at-home moms do all day?!?  😅  What don’t they do?? 😆

If you want to be a stay-at-home mom so that you can sit in your p.j.’s and watch Netflix all day, then you are sadly mistaken, momma.  😂 🤣  Cause it ain’t gonna happen.

I don’t know if I told you this yet but being a stay-at-home mom is hard work.  😁

You’ll wear many hats as a stay-at-home mom. 

Your stay-at-home mom job roles

A stay-at-home mom runs the household and cares for her children. She is pretty much solely responsible for their day-to-day upbringing.

She gets very little to no breaks, either.  😅  So, unless you hire out help, be prepared to go solo, momma.

Did I mention it’s a lot of work?  😁

1.  Caretaker

Obviously, your main job as a sahm is to care for your children.  But you know that.  It’s probably the reason you want to be a sahm, to begin with.

As a sahm, you will get to be your child’s primary, and possibly one-and-only, caregiver.  This can be a very draining experience, but trust me, momma, it is oh, so rewarding.  💕

You will be around to meet your child’s every need.  You’ll also be around to spend time with your child, playing and building memories.

This will help you to build a very strong bond with your child.  And if you are new here, at Making Mommas, then I must tell you that I believe with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind, that a strong parent-child bond is THE KEY to successful, lifelong parenting.

Plus, momma, your kids will grow up so fast!! You’ll hold them in your arms today, drop them off at kindergarten tomorrow, and watch them walk down that aisle the next!

It is going to go so fast that you are going to be in tears, wanting these days that you have right now – back.

I have two who have grown and flown, momma.  Trust me when I say I know.  💔

So yes, being the primary caregiver can be a heavy load.  But it is the sweetest little load you’ll ever carry.

Here are a few posts to get you started with building that relationship, momma:

4 Easy Ways You Can Connect With Your Kids Every Day

105 Ways to Spend Quality Time With Your Kids

7 Steps to Bonding With Your Baby

The Parent-Child Relationship

Here’s Why New Behavior Management Strategies Won’t Make You a Better Parent

*hint – it’s all about relationships 😉

2.  Educator

You’ll also be your child’s main teacher, momma. Which is good!  You want to be the one to teach your children your family values.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that there are a lot of outside influences in today’s world.  Your kids are going to be exposed to so many different beliefs, value sets, and ways of looking at things. 

As a sahm, you can filter a lot of that and teach your kids your own family values. 

If you decide to homeschool, you can take it one step further, even.  A lot of moms homeschool to keep their kids out of the public schools, because they don’t agree with the world views those schools teach.

So, being a sahm means teaching your family values and teaching your children basic concepts as well.  But you get to do it through play! 

Which is probably the second most important thing that I believe with all of my heart and all of my soul and all of my mind: children learn best through playing.  😁

Here are a few posts to get you started teaching, momma:

17 Best Financial Literacy Books to Teach Your Preschooler About Money

The Best Board Games That Teach Social Skills (for a successful life!)

7 Reasons to Play With Your Child

3.  Housekeeper

What should I be doing as a stay at home mom:  Your sahm job roles

Lucky you, right?!?  😆

I actually love cleaning the house.  It gives me great satisfaction.  But it’s not for everyone.

So, you really need to know your own values when you are thinking about your housekeeping duties. Because let’s face it, no one’s ever died from an untidy house.  (Unless it’s a horrible case of child neglect, that is…)

So how much you want to clean your house is entirely up to you.  I happen to think a clean house is very important to a child’s development.  But that’s another post for another day.  😉

To get started with some basic house cleaning routines, momma, check out these posts:

How to Keep Your House Clean:  The Ultimate Guide

11 Practical Spring & Fall Cleaning Tips for Your Home

5 Easy Ways to Involve Your Kids in Spring Cleaning

4.  Cook

I’m sure you know you’ll be cooking as well.  But how much cooking you do is entirely up to you.

It all comes back to your personal sahm values

You can create good ol’ fashioned home-cooked meals, toss something on the table for each meal, or do somewhere in between.  😆

5.  Accountant

😬  This one’s not fun. At least, not for me.

I mean, I like the challenge of tracking our finances and balancing the budget…but I don’t like taking time out of my day to do it!  🤦🏻‍♀️  Once I start, I’m fine.  But if I sit down at my desk, I’d rather be blogging.  😂🤣

Still, as a sahm, it will most likely be your job to manage the finances.  Because, well, you’re home all day. So, you’ll have more “time” than your hubby.  😆

So, to get started, check out some of these posts:

How to Create a Budget as a Stay-at-Home Mom

21 Tips for Saving Money

How Much Money Do You Really Make?

Realistic expectations for stay at home moms

I remember, when I was pregnant with the twins, that I thought, “well, at least I’ll get a lot done while I’m home…”

I thought I’d have a spotless home, three square meals on the table every day, and still have time to bake all kinds of homemade goodies for my boys.

I’d garden, can, and do all sorts of Suzie Homemaker stuff.  I was kind of excited about that part of staying home.

Obviously, I was delusional.  😂🤣

Here’s what to REALLY expect, momma. 

1.  Expect chaotic days as a sahm

Realistic expectations for stay at home moms

You might have pictures in your head of fun, lazy days in the sun, at the beach, or in the mall.  Maybe you envision yourself watching Netflix on the couch or curling up with a good book, while your babe nicely plays.

Yeah right!

Maybe if you just have one baby.  But if you have more, your days will be a chaotic mess.  It’s more like that song, Just Another Day in Paradise.  😂🤣

It’ll be chaos at first momma, but you’ll manage it. And then it will be glorious. Busy, but fun. 

2.  Expect little to no productivity, as a stay-at-home mom

Because I expected to get a lot done when I stayed home, I had a very, VERY hard time accepting the fact that I was not.

All I could manage was changing diapers, rocking babies, feeding babies, and pacing the floor with babies.  It was a total disaster.

I didn’t even have time to sneak in a shower

In fact, I gave up a lot of my normal everyday habits after I had the twins.  😆

But what I learned was that it was just a season.  Nothing to get too shook up over.  Things calmed down and I slowly was able to be a little more productive.

And now look at me! All productivity and no-nonsense!  😂🤣

So, grab on, momma, and enjoy the ride!  Just go with it.  It’ll all work itself out with time.

3.  Expect to be lonely at home

As an introvert, it actually takes a lot of alone time to make me lonely.  😂 🤣 I’m quite content all by myself.

But, with little kids all over the place, I wasn’t exactly all by myself.

And when my husband came home at the end of the day, I was worn out and frustrated.  So, I’d vent to him.

Not exactly a good idea, and something no man should have to come home to.

Things got better when I made a really good blogging buddy, who also happened to be a stay-at-home mom. We talked a lot over Voxer back in those days. 

It was nice because I could hear another human being’s voice, but I didn’t have to be tied to a phone call! We all know how kids act when mom’s on the phone… 🙄

There’s a very real possibility you will face loneliness, momma.  A lot of stay-at-home moms battle depression. So, it’s something to be aware of, and something to plan for. 

How will you combat isolation?

4.  Expect a loss of identity when you become a sahm

I had no idea how much of my identity was wrapped up in being a social worker, momma.  So, when I started staying home, not being able to do what I always did, and be who I always was, it was hard.

Also, not earning any money and helping the family was hard. 

I became insecure.  I felt like a nobody, a nothing. And I forgot how to talk to people!  🤣🤣  Real people, out in the public!  I suddenly became incredibly socially awkward.

It took me a long time to figure out who I was, without my career identity.  Weird, I know. But so true.

Some women get mad when you say things like “just a mom” or “just a stay-at-home mom”.  I never did. But I also never wanted to be “just a” anything. 

I mean, I think being a mom is the most fulfilling and rewarding thing anyone could ever do, and if you take everything else away, I will still be happy, being “just” a mom.

But I wanted more.  I wanted something outside of my children as well. Because let’s face it, they grow up, move away, and leave you all alone… 😢

So, to stay healthy, there has to be something else in life worth living for, too.  😉

I struggled with my identity until just last year, to be honest.  Being “a mom blogger” wasn’t even enough.  😆

But reading the bible and growing in my relationship with God is what changed everything for me. That is why it is now one of my most recommended coping skills for SAHMs everywhere!! 😁

So, if you find yourself struggling with a loss of identity, pick up that bible, momma.  😉

5.  Expect imperfection, when you stay home

One thing I had to learn really fast when I could no longer be as productive as I used to be, was to let stuff go.

I couldn’t live up to my own expectations, much less anyone else’s!  😂🤣

I had to stop apologizing for a messy house when people came over.  I learned to be okay with family seeing my kids in their underwear.  And I adopted a ponytail, yoga pants, and no make-up.

All those sahm posts that say “be a good sahm by getting up before the kids every day” and “be a good sahm by dressing up every day” – HA!!  😂🤣

Obviously, they didn’t have six kids and weren’t running on two hours of sleep each day!  😂 🤣

No, I stopped caring what my mom and sister thought about me.  I stopped caring about what Facebook and Pinterest said I should be doing.

And I just focused on making it through the day.  One day at a time.

I did what I could, and I let the rest go.

And it worked great!  I was happy.  My kids were happy. And my husband was happy because no one was crabby.  🤣😂

So, momma, if you are serious about this sahm gig, then do what you want to do! Sleep in if you need it!  Have a messy, lived-in house. Don those yoga pants and rock them!

Because you can be perfect later. When your kids are all grown up and moved away.

Your kids don't want a perfect mom, they want a happy mom.

6.  Expect pure joy 

I know that all sounds bad, momma.  I mean, really, if you were to ask any mom what parenting is like, sahm or working mom, they’d all tell you the same thing:  HARD.

Because it is.

You could go to work outside of your house.  But I promise you, that will be hard too.

Parenting is hard work.  No way out of it.  But every single mom will tell you that it is oh, so totally worth it, as well.

They wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Staying home?

Yeah, it’s hard.  But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

I get to be here for my boys; every waking moment. They go to school and that is it.

They are with me the rest of the day, all weekend, all summer long, every holiday, every snow day, and every distance learning day. 

I am the one they wrap their little arms around for hugs and kisses. I am the one they run to with an owie.  I’m the one they come tattling to when their brothers are being mean.  🙄

I am there, to love them through every up and down in life. 

They are my world, and I don’t want to miss a thing. 💕

I get to go to all of their fun school events – even the ones smack dab in the middle of the day, that are hard to get off of work for!  I get to volunteer when they need help, too.

I am free to help my son move to and from college.  I am free to babysit my grandson at the drop of a dime. 

I’m here for them, even as adults.

And that is why I am a sahm, momma. 

Because spending time with them and being here for them is pure joy.  ☺️

How to stop being lazy as a stay-at-home mom

I understand that it is entirely tempting, to sit around in your pj’s all day and do nothing, as a sahm. After all, who’s there to tell on you?!? 😆 There’s no one hovering over you, busting your butt, telling you what you MUST do every day.

So, momma, if you are a sahm, or you are planning on becoming a sahm, but you are worried that you won’t be able to pull your butt up off of that couch, here are my best tips to stop being lazy.

Tip #1 to stop being lazy:  Identify your values (know why you stayed home in the first place)

If you are feeling lazy, momma, then you need motivation!  What motivates you?  We are talking intrinsic motivation here, momma.  What makes you feel good, on the inside?

For me, it is:

💥  knowing I was a good mom today

💥  how good a clean house feels

💥  seeing my family gathered around the dinner table

💥  watching my kids smile as they eat a cookie I baked

It seems pretty simple, I know.  But when my husband comes home and the house smells like supper, it makes him smile.  And that makes me happy.

When my kids tell me they had a good day and that they love me as I tuck them in at night, it warms my heart.

It’s little things like this that motivate me to keep on moving during the day.  Even when I’ve only had two hours of sleep.

So, if you are feeling lazy, think about why you decided to stay home in the first place. 

Was it to spend time with your kids?  Then get off your butt and go play with them!!

Was it to keep a better house?  Go find that broom momma!!

Or was it to homeschool?  Then get out those books and plan your next lesson!

If we remember what we value, it will easily motivate us to get off our duff.  😉

Tip #2 to stop being lazy:  Strive for a picture-perfect day

how to stop being lazy as a stay at home mom

If you can remember what you value, and why you stayed home in the first place, that will motivate you to get your butt moving.  But you can take it one step further:  by trying hard to make your day perfect.

What kinds of things would you do if you had a perfect day?

Try to fit them all in!  Create a daily sahm schedule chock full of things you love; the things that would make your day perfect!

And then do it!!

If you need help figuring out what to do every day, check out these posts:

3 Quick Ways to the Perfect Stay-at-Home Mom Routine

The Secret to a Great Stay-at-Home Mom Schedule

Wanna Create the Best Ever Stay at Home Mom Schedule?  Here’s How!

Here’s How to Easily Create an Awesome Summer Routine

Tip #3 to stop being lazy:  Identify your passion & pursue it

I think the easiest way to stop being lazy is to have something to work for.

For me, that’s blogging.  For many SAHMs, actually, that’s blogging.  Many more SAHMs start their own businesses as well.

But there are also stay-at-home moms who homeschool, which gives them some structure every day.

You could also be very active in your community, volunteering at various organizations. 

Or you could start your own club or organization for kids. 

The hardest part isn’t starting something, to give your day a little structure and purpose.  The hardest part is figuring out what it is that you want to do in the first place. 🤣😂

At least, it was for me.

I spent many years trying to figure that out.  😆

If you think you could use something to work towards, to stop being lazy, but you aren’t quite sure what that would be, check out these posts:

6 of the Best Books On Finding Purpose to Live Life Passionately

31 Best Side Hustles for Stay-at-Home Moms

Tip #4 to stop being lazy:  Go pro

When the twins were little, I didn’t have time to pee, much less start a side gig!  😂🤣  But I do like to feel “professional” and productive. 

So, the answer – for me, at least – was following a daycare or preschool daily routine!

It allowed me to “go pro”.  I did everything I used to do, as a professional childcare provider.  And it made me feel a little more productive and a lot less lazy.  😁

Plus, I think it was just plain better, for the boys.  Kids need the consistency that a structured routine can give them.

If you want to try following a professional daycare or preschool schedule, check out these posts:

The Secret to a Great Stay-at-Home Mom Schedule

Wanna Create the Best Ever Stay at Home Mom Schedule?  Here’s How!

Tip #5 to stop being lazy:  Create and stick to a daily schedule

If you don’t want to model a daycare or preschool, pursue a side gig, homeschool, volunteer, start your own organization, or pursue a passion, then at the very least, create and stick to a daily schedule.

It doesn’t have to be much.  Just something to give your days a little structure and routine.

For some ideas, read these posts:

How to Structure Your Day as a SAHM

How to Create a Daily Schedule Using Time Chunking

The Secret to a Great Stay-at-Home Mom Schedule

Wanna Create the Best Ever Stay at Home Mom Schedule?  Here’s How!

Bonus tip to stop being lazy:  Turn off the TV!!

Oh, momma!  That TV just invites you to sit down and binge-watch your favorite show!! Turn it off!!

Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!!!!

I actually do not have a TV in my living room.  Or my sitting room.  Or my bedroom.  Or my kitchen.  Or my bathroom.  😆

Our only family TV is downstairs, in my husband’s den. So, if we want to watch TV, we have to go to the farthest, remotest corner of the house and deliberately sit down and watch.

We never watch TV.  😆  Unless we are having a family movie night, or my husband and I are watching a show after the kids go to bed.

And I get a lot done during the day, momma.  😉

How do stay-at-home moms survive

So, if you are thinking about becoming a stay-at-home mom, you may be wondering, after reading all of this, how in the world stay-at-home moms survive!  I mean, it sounds so.hard.

And it is!  Not gonna lie.

But if you take care of yourself, momma, then it isn’t all that hard.  It is more rewarding than hard.

The key is to take good care of yourself.  After all, you can’t take care of anyone else if you aren’t good and healthy yourself!

I found that if I had a purpose to my day, beyond my children and my house, and if I made sure to take time for myself, I was a happier, healthier – better – mom to my kids.

1.  Find your purpose, as a stay-at-home mom

How do stay at home moms survive:  by finding their purpose

You probably think that taking care of your children and being their one and only is going to be fulfilling enough, as a sahm.  And maybe you are right.

But for me, I still needed more.

I was used to working outside of the home and having my own identity. A career.  Something to strive for and pursue every day.

Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t mind poopy diapers and dirty dishes.  But I needed something more. 

So, I did a lot of reading, journaling, and searching.  For my purpose.

That all stopped when I started blogging.  😆

You know you've found your purpose when you've stopped looking for it.

Here are a few things you might consider pursuing, momma, to add a little fulfillment to your days at home.

Homeschooling

A lot of moms find joy and purpose in homeschooling their children.  They might do it because they aren’t happy with the education the public school system delivers, or because they want to intertwine faith and education. 

Community involvement

Some moms really value community service and being active in their community.  You might sit on a board of a local organization, start your own organization, or volunteer at one or more places.

Social involvement

There are a lot of stay-at-home moms out there, momma.  If you like to stay socially active, you might want to reach out to other moms and set up regular ‘mommy and me’ play dates. 

Pursuing a hobby or side gig

Many SAHMs start a side gig, or blog about their journey as a sahm.  Side gigs bring in a little extra money, and blogging can be very fulfilling.

Spiritual studies

I recently started reading and studying the bible.  I think it would be harder to find time for that, as a working mom.  When you are a stay-at-home mom, life does run at a slower pace.  You could use some of that downtime to dive into your faith a little deeper.

2.  Make time for yourself as a stay-at-home mom

how do sahms survive.  by finding alone time

As a stay-at-home mom, you are “on duty” 24/7.  There is no downtime!  You don’t get a lunch break, the typical 15-minute breaks, and you certainly don’t get to clock out at the end of the day!

Still, you do need personal time to recharge and refresh.  So, how do you find it?

Get up early

A lot of SAHMs will get up early before the hubby and kids do.  They use this time to exercise, work, read, pray, or simply sit with a cup of hot coffee.

I never could do that.  😆  I lacked sleep horribly. 

If getting up early doesn’t work for you, don’t fret about it.  There are other ways to find alone time.

Go to bed late

Many SAHMs turn into night owls. 

If you stay up later than the rest of the household, you can get some quiet time in as well.  You can use this time to work on a hobby or a side gig, finish up household chores, do some quiet reading, or watch your favorite show.

I often stayed up late just to spend time with my husband.  It was exhausting because it was hard to stay up. But, with a house as busy as ours, we had to wait until all the kids were in bed before we could get any alone time!

Hire a babysitter now and then

If you can afford to, pamper yourself with some me time!  Hire a babysitter and use that time to do whatever you want to do! 

Rely on grandma & daddy

If you can’t afford a babysitter, then ask grandma to babysit, or wait for daddy to come home. 

My husband was very good to give me afternoons, evenings, and weekends to go for a run.  It was my alone time.

Do something you love during nap time

If you have absolutely no one to watch the kids, and there’s no way you are getting up early or staying up late, then make use of nap time!

I used nap time to get my cleaning done.  (Remember, cleaning the house is very fulfilling to me!)

I also used nap time to work on my blog.

If your kids are too old to nap, then establish some quiet time.  Turn the TV on for them or give them quiet activities that will keep them occupied for a while.

Then use that time to recharge.

Pee just a little bit longer

Yep, you read that right!  🤣😂

Now, I know that when your kids are little, you don’t get to pee alone.  😆  But as they start getting older, you can start sneaking off to do your business all by yourself.

And let me tell you, as a momma of six…. Using the bathroom alone is heavenly.  😁

So stay in there just a wee bit longer!! 😂🤣 It doesn’t take much. Even one more minute can help you to recollect yourself.

Shower just a little bit longer

Likewise, stay in the shower just a little bit longer.

Again, I know you have to shower freaky fast when your kids are little. But as they get older, you can stay in there longer and longer.  So do it!!

There are not many places you can be completely alone in your busy house. So, relax and enjoy the peace and quiet…and the sound of rushing water (and no crying babies!)

Escape into your inner happy place

When I couldn’t pee alone, and showering was not even an option until my husband came home, I literally would wash the dishes and mentally escape.

😂🤣  So not kidding ya.

Don’t knock the power of a happy place, momma, until you’ve tried it!

Hopefully, your sink is by a window, so that you can grab those dirty dishes and stare out the window in a daydreaming hazy sort of daze! 😁

Keep your ears peeled for your kids, of course.

How to be happy as a stay-at-home mom

A lot of stay-at-home moms really struggle with feeling happy as a sahm.  I mean, it’s hard, lonely work.

Even amongst all the chaos and neediness, I still spent many days bored as a sahm. 

I mean, how long can train tracks and marble racers truly entertain me?!?  😆

If you, too, find it hard to be content as a sahm, then try these tricks:

Remember why you stayed home in the first place

I feel like I’m repeating myself now, but it all comes down to your values, momma.  Remember why you stayed home in the first place.

Was it to spend more time with your kids? To be their initial or one and only teacher?  To build a strong bond with them?  Create memories?

Maybe it was because you didn’t want to miss this most important time in their lives. The days are long, momma, but trust me, the years are short!

Remembering your values and why you stayed home, to begin with, can motivate you and make you feel thankful for this opportunity, rather than resent it.

Stay busy

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard if all you do is lay around and be bored all day! That’d be enough to drive anyone crazy.

So stay busy!  Find SOMETHING to do.

Again, I feel like I’m repeating myself, but try pursuing a hobby or starting a side gig.  Spend time volunteering or reach out to other SAHMs.

At the very least, try to model your day off of a preschool or daycare routine.

Build a strong bond with your kids

This is a very special time in your child’s life when you can help to establish his/her identity.  The bond you build now will last forever!!

You have one of the most important jobs ever momma.  Being the sole caretaker for your child.

I truly believe, with all my heart, that if you want to change the world, you should go home and love your family. 

If you want to change the world go home and love your family.

If you need help building a relationship with your kids, start by playing with them! 

And check out these posts:

4 Easy Ways to Connect With Your Kids Every Day

How to Show Your Kids You Love Them In Less Than Five Minutes

105 Ways to Spend Quality Time With Your Child

20 Easy Things You Can Do Every Day to Show Your Child That You Love Him/Her

Be thankful for this moment in your life

When I was really struggling, momma, I had to make a deliberate choice to be happy.  In fact, I often reminded myself that “I choose joy”. 

Literally.  So not kidding you.

But it also helped me to deliberately be thankful every day.  For the little things.

Like a washing machine that hadn’t (quite!) yet broken down.  Running water and a warm house.

Literally.  I’d walk around the house and note all of the things that I had that were right – or at least, okay.  🤪

It was a practice I developed that I still do, to this day.  In fact, if I’m having a hard time falling asleep at night, I’ll lay in bed and start ticking off everything I’m thankful for that day.  😂🤣  I usually don’t make it past number five before I’m out!

If you need help learning how to practice gratitude, check out these posts:

11 Easy Ways You Can Use Gratitude to Be a Better Mom

51 Fun and Inspiring Farm House Signs to Remind You of Your Blessings

How to be a good stay-at-home mom

I believe you can be a good stay-at-home mom the same way you can be a good work out of the home mom:  by always striving to be a better person, a better mom, and a better wife. 

1.  Always strive to be a better mom

how to be a good stay at home mom

The first step to being a better stay-at-home mom is to always strive to be a better mom.  Period.

This means learning new things, momma!

You might need to learn:

✔︎ better parenting techniques

✔︎ better ways of communicating

✔︎ better parenting styles

✔︎ better housekeeping skills

✔︎ how to play with your child

✔︎ how to build a better relationship with your child

✔︎ how to manage your day better

Sometimes it takes understanding why these things are important, as well.

For example, keeping a clean house helps your child to regulate emotions better, and offers trust and security. 

Having a daily sahm routine helps your child to develop a strong sense of identity and trust as well.

But if you don’t know these things, it’s easy to overlook doing these ‘chores’. 

2.  Always strive to be a better person

Just as you must always strive to be a better mom, you must also always strive to be a better person.  Because your children will not only do what you tell them to do, and what you teach them to do, but they will also (and mostly!) do what you do!!

So, you have to be a better person, if you want them to grow up and be a good person.

That means personal development and self-care as a sahm are extremely important.  It’s not just about taking better care of yourself – it’s about modeling that behavior and teaching your children how to take care of themselves.

3.  Make your family the center of your world

If you truly want to be a better stay-at-home mom, then you’ll have to give up a few things, momma.

Because you have to make room for your family.

Everything you do should revolve around your family.  Not you.

You live to serve your family, momma.  You are not the center of your world anymore. They are.

So, that means you might have to give up a few things that you used to love. 

Things like:

  • Going out on the weekends
  • Hanging out with friends a lot
  • Bad habits, like going to the bars, drinking and partying a lot
  • Hobbies that take up a lot of your time, such as excessive exercise, travel, or an intrusive side gig

No worries, though, momma!! It’s just for a season.  Your kids will grow up fast, and they’ll move away.  🥺  And then you’ll have more time to yourself and to do the things you love.

4.  Study the bible

Clearly optional, of course.  😁

But reading and studying the bible has made such a difference in my life, I’d be remiss not to share it!

I LOVE self-help and personal development.  I think we should always be growing and changing, striving to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

And the bible, from my own personal review, is THE BEST self-help book on the market!!  😱  I know, right?!?

Just give it a try. Get one of those bible in a year bibles, if you are brand new. That’s how I started.  It was undaunting and easy to do.  Just sat my butt down on the sofa with a cup of coffee every morning for ten minutes and BOOM!  💥  Done.  ✅

Truly life-changing stuff, momma. 💕

At the end of the day….

how to be a stay at home mom

Uf, we covered a lot.  Seriously. 

We covered the most often asked questions about being a stay-at-home mom:

  • How do I afford to be a stay-at-home mom?
  • How do I make money as a stay-at-home mom?
  • What should I be doing as a stay-at-home mom?
  • How do stay-at-home moms survive?
  • How can I be a good stay-at-home mom?

And go ahead and ask any stay-at-home mom – it ain’t easy, staying home.

(Ok, I just dated myself with that image! 😆 )

But it is a lot of work, momma.

But, it is doable, too!!

And at the end of the day, momma, staying home is all about doing what is best for our children. What’s best for their growth, development, and emotional self.

Staying home allows us to build an amazing bond with our children.  It allows us to be their main caretaker.  It creates a safe and secure environment for our children to grow up in.

It gives us the opportunity to be their number one educator. We get to teach them our own personal family values.

And it creates amazing memories, for both, them and us.  💕

Being a stay-at-home mom is the most important thing you will ever do.

“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

Mother Teresa

More on being a stay-at-home mom

Everything You Need to Know About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

How to Manage Your Money as a Sahm

Parenting Tips for Sahms

How to Survive on One Income

Online Business Ideas for Sahms

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Hey there momma!

Welcome home! My name is Shannon, and I’m a stay-at-home mom, freelance writer, and blogger! If you want to know how I do it ~ and how you can, too, grab a cup of coffee! We have a lot to talk about!!

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