And What Changes You Need to Make in Your Home to Do It

If you have crazy, chaotic, stressful days at home, you need help. But sometimes, the problem isn’t your child, your discipline technique or your parenting style. Sometimes, the problem is simply the environment your child is in. Don’t worry though! Since kids soak in everything around them, you can easily use your physical environment to influence your child’s behavior.

Have you ever noticed the color scheme at a doctor or dentist’s office? The walls are always soft, soothing shades of blues and greens, sometimes brown or maybe grey. Green is the color of balance and growth, while blue is the color of trust and peace. Our minds associate softer shades of blues and greens with wide open spaces, babbling brooks, and pretty blue skies. These softer shades calm us down and relax us, something the doctor definitely wants to strive for when welcoming us in to his office.

Colors influence our behavior.

Think about a board room, conference room, or meeting room. What colors are they? Deep purple, deep green, deep blue. Maybe some grey or brown. Deep blues suggest loyalty and integrity, while purples symbolize idealism, intuition and structure. Along with balance and growth, green can also mean self-reliance. Brown signifies security, protection and material wealth. And grey is compromise; unemotional and detached.

According to Benjamin Moore, “Deep colors dissolve boundaries and create depth. They are the opposite of understatement and can fill a room with energy, creativity and confidence.” Definitely something a CEO or big wig exec would want.

Whether we notice it or not, the colors surrounding us affect our moods. They are a key ingredient in creating a certain atmosphere. Helping professionals know this and strive to create a calming atmosphere for their patients. Executives and CEO’s will design their rooms to signify power and influence. And a smart business owner will set the stage with the colors of her walls as well.

Why wouldn’t we, as moms, do the same?

Professionals in every walk of life use the design and layout of their rooms to influence the behavior and moods of those within. Doctors want calm patients, stores want happy customers ready to buy, and schools want motivated children ready to learn.

Why then, couldn’t we, as moms, use the design and layout of our homes to influence our children’s behaviors?

The fact is, we can.

Our home sets a stage for all who is within it, just as a waiting room does for a patient.

It can be lively and fun, calming and peaceful or chaotic and stressful.

Our children spend the majority of their day within these walls.

Whether we realize it or not, our home can greatly influence the emotional well-being of our children. It can be peaceful and accepting, a safe harbor from the world; the place where they can relax and just be themselves. It can be stimulating and fun, a place for them to think, learn and grow. Or it can be energetic and playful, cozy and loving.

What we don’t want it to be is chaotic and stressful.

The paint color isn’t the only thing about your home that can influence your child’s behavior though. You need to take a look at the lighting, the decorations, the layout, the air quality, the organization and the overall mood or atmosphere of your home.

Therefore, it would be a good idea to walk through each room and thoroughly assess it.

Is it inviting your child in for calm play, relaxation or quiet time? Does it scream “Come on in, dump, pour, and make a fantastic mess?” Will your child feel stimulated, motivated and ready to give the world his best? Or does the room shelter and protect her, helping her to feel safe and cozy in the arms of a loving family?

You do not want the room to feel like a complete and utter disaster, causing your child to be over-stimulated and unsure of where he belongs in all of that chaos.

He should not feel lost in his own home.

As you walk through each room, use the list below as a guide for your assessment. Make whatever changes are necessary to instill your family values in every room of your home.

If you value love, peace, and family time, you are going to want quiet, cozy rooms, to influence your child’s behavior in the direction of your values. If you value energetic creativity, playfulness and free-thinking, your rooms need to inspire and stimulate your child.

You want to teach your children your family values and you want their behavior to model those values.  And you can use the rooms of your home to influence your child’s behaviors, giving your child a little gentle push in the direction you want her to go.  Using your physical environment – your home – is an easy way to influence your child’s behavior.

How to use your physical environment to influence your child’s behavior

1. Decoration & Design

Take a look at your color scheme. Are your walls reflecting your family values? I know it is tempting to paint our walls the colors we, as moms, just adore. But you need to consider how those colors are going to impact the rest of your household. Will the colors you love encourage the behavior you want from your children in that particular room? Form your guests?

Notice your wall decorations, decorative furniture, and any decorative items you might display. How do these items add to the overall mood of the room? Are they encouraging the behaviors you want from your child?

If you value politeness and respect, and you are working hard to teach your child to use appropriate language, then you don’t want a sign that says, “Whiskey Wednesday…it’s like Taco Tuesday for Bad Asses” hanging up in your kitchen.

Likewise, if you want your child to feel loved, secure and welcome in your home, then you need to take care that the rooms are not overrun with decorative items. They will feel insecure if they are always worried about breaking your things.

2. Lighting

Your lighting is important in your home for a variety of reasons. And we, as women, know it sets the mood for nearly every situation.

So use it to set the mood for your kids as well.

Want to calm them down? Turn down the lights, especially when it’s time to settle down for bed. Do it a good half hour before bedtime every night and their little bodies will get used to the que and start settling down for sleep when the lights are dimmed.

Open the curtains and let the lights in if it is play time. Be sure every room has proper lighting for the function of that room. You don’t want a dimly lit play room and an overly bright bedroom.

3. Furniture & Flooring

If you value independence, abstract thinking and problem-solving, you will need to equip your home with some functional furniture. Save the pretty pieces for when your child is grown. Children spend a lot of time ruining stuff while developing these highly important skill sets! Get durable, sturdy furniture.

That way you won’t panic when little Jonny is climbing to the top of the couch to test his just-newly-developed-astro-turf-glider-system. Likewise, your floor should be inviting to your child. You want your little one to feel comfortable playing and entertaining herself, right? She needs a clean, wide open space to crawl around on.

If there is no floor to spread out and play on, you may find her climbing the walls or clinging to you instead. If your floor is too delicate for a child’s play things, you may want to consider replacing it.

4. Toys & Books

Toys and books should be easily accessible in every room your child will be in. I literally kept toys in every room of the house when the twins were little.

Children have a way of following you from room to room while you go about your day. If you don’t want them digging in to your jewelry box, be sure there is a better option for them while in your bedroom.

Stash a small basket of toys in every room, even in the older sibling’s bedrooms. My twins are often playing in my 14-year-old’s bedroom. He would rather they play with a stash of their own toys than grab for his Minecraft Collection.

5. Smells & Sounds

We often do not pay attention to the background noise in our homes. They just become a part of our day-to-day living. But if you have a highly chaotic environment and your children are bouncing off of the walls, you might want to take notice of what is going on behind the scenes.

Is the TV on constantly or turned up too loud? Turn it off and set limits on screen time, for both you and the children. Do you have a radio or music on at all hours of the day? Turn the volume on low, switch to a more soothing station or turn it off entirely. Also pay attention to the volume of your household conversations.  If you lower your voice, your children will follow suit.

Turn down the chaos; keep your conversations at a quieter level and set a rule that all loud play needs to be done outside.

Use music or certain sounds to que transition from one activity to the next. Clean up songs are a perfect example of this, as are lullaby at bed time. Try some quiet music to calm things down or some fun, playful music to signify play time.

When the twins were little I would often play a toddler station on Pandora during lunch time, and then sing silly songs while feeding them. Made dinner great!

The smells in your home also set a certain mood. Be sure it doesn’t stink! You don’t want it to smell like a gym locker. Home-cooked meals create pleasing aromas and cozy atmospheres. Scented candles can do the trick as well. Lavender is great for calming things down just a notch. Clean and airy can invite a child in to play; stinky and gross will send them clinging to your better-smelling leg.

6. Cleanliness & Air Quality

One of the best things you can do to create a calmer home is clean up bit. If you have stuff all across your floors, gumming up your hallways and strewn all over the beds, there is no room to play. When kids can’t play, they get naughty. Why not? What else is there to do? Clean up, pick up and put away. Clean up every day.

An organized home will invite your children to spend some creative moments playing – instead of looking for trouble.

Your air quality is important as well. Be sure your home is well-ventilated. You don’t want it to be stuffy, with little to no air movement. Stagnant air can cause stress or anxiety in kids because they can start to feel like they can’t breathe. When kids get anxious or insecure, they get naughty.

7. The Overall Atmosphere

YOU give off a certain vibe, a certain feel. This can be in the form of negative energy or positive energy. And the whole house can feel it. Your ‘vibe’ should reflect your values.

If you value a cozy, loving family, you should give off an inviting, unconditional-love-kind-of-vibe.

You should give off an energetic-this-is-going-to-be-a-great-day-kind-of-vibe if you value creativity and playfulness.

But if you have a chaotic outlook on life, are depressed or overly stressed, you will give off a chaotic, OMG-what-are-we-going-to-do-kind-of-vibe.

And that will only add to the chaos in your home environment. So check your baggage before you exit the gate in the morning mommas. Leave all the negative crap in bed and get up ready to fake it until you make it.

Give off the kind of vibe that you want your house to mirror. This will influence your children to do the same.

Create Your Atmosphere

You can use the rooms in your home to set the stage for the behavior you want your children to exhibit.  But if you ever feel a situation escalating and distraction, guidance or time-outs aren’t working, simply change up the scenery! Head to another room to play, or gather up the troops and head out doors.

Sometimes a change of scenery is all it takes for children to be inspired to play nicely again.

You can easily influence your child’s behavior with your physical environment by setting the mood or the atmosphere you desire with the tips above. And you can encourage your child to behave the way you desire by using your environment to prevent the unwanted behaviors.

If your days at home with your little ones are a struggle, give some of these a try. See if it helps at all. And then drop by here again and let me know how it went!