Confessions of a Momma…..I Had to Choose Between My Boys

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And a mom should never have to do that.

My worst nightmare goes like this:

Our vehicle plunges off of a bridge and into icy cold, deep waters.  I have just mere seconds to save my children – six of them.  There is no way I can save them all.  Who do I choose?  Who do I save first and then, who do I come back for after I save the first few?

Ugggh!!!  Awful!  I get chills just thinking about it! But it is an awful nightmare I have, and I hope I never actually experience it.

I had a mini-version nightmare this weekend. And it was a very good, happy situation.  But I was still forced to choose between my boys.

My oldest, a senior, was playing in a real, live, stadium. His basketball team had made it a few games in to the play-offs.  He was out of the high school gyms, out of the college gyms, and now in to a stadium.  A very neat experience.  If they won, they moved on.  If they lost, they were out of the play-offs.

It’s a huge deal.  His team had never made it this far before.  He was a senior.  They had a very real chance of making it to state.  If they lost, it would be his last game. Forever.  Nothing in the world could keep me from missing this.

Except, maybe, his little brother.  Who also had a tournament.  In a tiny little town, in a tiny little school.  His brother is 11.  He’s in 5th grade.  This is his last game of the season, and it’s a tournament.  He will get a medal if he wins, ribbons if he gets 2nd or 3d.  He will play another game next year.  And he does not grasp how important this play-off game is to his big brother.

In the 11-yea-old’s world, this tournament game is IT right now.  He is so pumped, so excited.  He put last year’s 2nd place medal around his neck, to inspire himself and his teammates to give it their all!

I can only go to one game. They play at the same time, in two different towns.  Ugh!!  Why do they do this to parents?  I shouldn’t have to choose!

After a lot of careful thinking, I rationally chose to go to the 11-year-old’s.  I had to leave my heart out of the decision, because, if I’m totally honest with myself, I wanted desperately to be at my senior’s play-off game.  Desperately.  He wanted me there.  Needed me there.  It was a huge deal to him, and to our community.  Everybody was going.

And that’s what helped me with my decision.  Everyone was going.  He would have his dad, his 14 year old brother, his 3 year old brother, his aunt and his cousin there.  All of his friends and the whole student body would be there.

My 11-year-old would have no one at his tournament – no one – to watch and support him, if I didn’t go.  In my eyes, his tournament was not as important as the varsity play-off game.  In his eyes, it was the only thing in his world – at the moment.  He needed me. And so I went.

It killed me.  My family kept me updated on the varsity game.  I prayed and prayed that they would win – that I didn’t just miss my son’s last game ever.

My 11-year-old got third place!  He was so happy and excited!  He played well – he is going to be a good little basketball player when he gets older.

My sweet, understanding senior lost his game. They are done for the season.  And I missed it.  I was crushed.  (Not more than he was, I’m sure.  But still, it hurt.)

What could I do? What would you have done?  Please, let me know.  Leave me a comment and describe any similar situations you have had, and how you handled it.

(And any terrifying dreams you may have!)


Confessions of A Momma…..I’m in Love with My Son

And I have been.  Since the day he was born.

I admit, there were some rocky points in our relationship.  No doubt.  I never met a more stubborn, persistent, absolutely contradictory person in my entire life.  Seriously.  He’d argue, just for the sake of arguing.  And to prove it, in one argument, I told him he’d probably tell me the sky was white if I said it was blue.  He immediately left the argument at hand to pursue a new argument about just how white the sky actually is!  His brother and I just sat and laughed.  What else could we do?

Oh could he ever be frustrating.  And exhausting.  He used to talk from the minute he got up until the minute he went to bed.  Every day.  He was so stinkin’ full of life and fight!  Those years when he was little, life was a roller coaster.  I would  go from being so totally wrapped up in his little charming eyes, to so absolutely furious that I was outside, screaming on the front porch in pure anger, to so frustrated that I was sobbing out of desperation, and back to being so totally wrapped up in his charming little eyes again….all in one evening!

I’d vent, to anyone close to me, about how frustrating he could be.  They’d laugh and agree.  They’d seen it.  Well, some of it.  He was a good kid, after all.  He knew when to put his public face on.  But, after venting, I’d wind up talking about how incredibly adorable he is.  And how charming he could be.  And how, once he realized how cute he was, and learned how to turn the charm on, he’d be unstoppable.

It took him a long time to realize how cute he was.  Which is funny, really, because he grew up listening to me talk about how cute he was day in and day out.  I’m not prejudiced or anything, just because he is my own son.  Those who knew him would vouch for me –  he was absolutely adorable.  🙂  And I guess most wouldn’t call him adorable now.  Handsome, maybe.  But to me, he will always be absolutely adorable.

Why, after all these years, am I still in love with him?  Because he is still so stinkin’ full of life and fight!  Thankfully he has learned how to channel his….er……..  A little more than in his younger years.  His stubbornness….oh yeah, that’s still there.  It shows up in the form of persistence.  He told me at the beginning of the football season that his goal was to play Varsity.  He is in the ninth grade.  You just don’t walk on to the field and expect to play varsity in ninth grade.  At the end of the season, not only was he playing varsity, but he was starting varsity.  Stubbornness?  Persistence? Call it what you want.  It works for him.

Contradictory?  Argumentative?  I’d like to call it persuasive.  He knows what he wants and he is going to get it.  He’ll start out by asking for what he wants.  If he’s shot down, he’ll dip in to his other skills.  He will start with reason.  When that doesn’t work, he’ll argue.  Watch out there – he has years of practice.  He’ll beat you.  And if he’s discovering that he’s on the bottom, about to lose the argument, he’ll pull out the charm…. and you just lost.  Of course, the effect is better on females than males, but I’ve seen a grandpa or two fall victim as well!

And exhausting?  Absolutely!  I get exhausted just watching him now!  He go go goes all day long.  It’s just one adventure to the next.  And at the end of the day, you will hear all about it.  He still talks a lot.  🙂  He has so much to say!  But it is so fun to listen to now.  His thoughts and theories and stories are hilarious!  He has an amazing sense of humor.  And he is still so full of life.  Oh, if I had just an ounce of his energy!  His eyes twinkle – literally – when he is excited (and cloud over when he is angry!).

I love to pick him out on the basketball court. That tall, dark handsome one?  Yup, he’s mine.  The one dodging players and doing summer saults?  Yep, I claim him.  That one that is so crazy passionate and energetic about everything he does?  Yep, that’s my boy.  That one that absolutely cracks me up?  Oh yeah.  I’ll claim him!!

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