15 Ways to be an Authoritative Parent

We’ve all done it – screamed at our child in a moment of frustration.  Even if we weren’t yelling, we’ve said some damaging things, such as “Because I told you so, that’s why!”, and “Well, when you are the dad then you get to make the rules!”, or my personal favorite, “Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about!”

These statements are more harmful than good.  They do nothing to help a child work through whatever was the issue in the first place, but instead, they give an ultimatum:  I am right, you are wrong, end of story. They also undermine any discipline you will provide down the road.

It is almost painfully obvious that the best style of parenting is authoritative parenting.

But what if we are a long way from being an authoritative parent?  What if our parenting style mimics permissive parenting? What if we relate to authoritarian parenting, and bark orders at our children like a drill-sergeant, rather than a loving momma?

It is not easy to parent.  It is self-sacrificing.  It is time-consuming.  It is repetitive.  It is exhaustingContinue reading

Parenting Style Affects Your Relationship With Your Child

parenting style
It’s the first week of a new year – 2017.  This is the time when we often find ourselves making goals or resolutions….we look for ways to make this year even better than the last.  So how about improving your parenting style?

Your parenting style affects your relationship with your child.

To make good goals or resolutions in your parenting, you first have to know how you have parented in the past.   What did you do well?  What do you need to do better?  And how can you get from where you are at to where you want to be, as a parent?

The best thing a person can do to be a better parent is to focus on personal development.

Lisa Firestone, Ph.D, explains in Psychology Today, “So much of the information out there about how to be a better parent focuses on techniques for modifying your child’s behavior. But it is missing the mark. Research has shown that the one thing a person can do to be a better parent is to focus on developing him or herself. This is where a person has to start in order to be a nurturing, attuned mother or father. When it comes to parenting, there are many reasons for us to look inward and understand ourselves as people if our goal is to become a better parent.”

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The Parent-Child Relationship?

If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging. – Diane Loomans

 Developing a Strong Parent-Child Relationship

A mother hears her newborn baby cry, and responds immediately.  She knows his cries, and knows this cry means he’s hungry.  She changes his wet diaper and settles in to nurse him.

A father hears his four-year-old daughter crying in another room and finds her snuggling a stuffed animal her mother had given her.  Mom is away on a business trip.  Dad scoops his daughter up in his arms and strokes her head, while patiently listening to her concerns.  He validates each of her feelings with words like “Oh I know, honey, I miss mommy too”, and “Mommy is so special, isn’t she?”

What do these two scenarios have in common?   They help build the parent-child relationship.

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Making Mommas Makes Some Changes

Making Mommas dedicates 2017 to the Parent-Child Bond

For the last 18 years, sometimes to the dismay of my husband, my life has been all about my children.  I have always put everything I had in to that parent-child relationship.  Everything in my day-to-day has always revolved around them, even before I was a stay-at-home mom.  Especially then.

It’s always tough, to balance work and family.  Any mom can tell you that.  Even stay-at-home moms have work they have to do, unless they have house cleaners, grounds keepers and cooks.  To balance all of those household responsibilities with your children’s needs is not easy. Continue reading

Forgive Yourself

forgive yourself

You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s junk.

–          Louise Smith

 

Forgive Yourself.

You are not a perfect mom.  None of us are.

But you are a good mom.

Your child does not need perfection.  Your child needs you.

 

The other day, I lost it.  I mean, I totally lost it.

I am not a spanker.  I do not believe in hitting my children.  And yet, spank I did.

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Twice the Blessings

twice the blessings

This is the second part of a two-part series on the trouble – and blessings – of twins. 

Twins are double the trouble, no doubt.  But twins are also twice the blessings.

The days can be frustrating and exhausting.  It is difficult, to have twins.  I now laugh when someone tells me “I’ve always wanted twins!”  I honestly think to myself, “Do you know what you are asking for?”  It is certainly not a cake-walk.

And then I see other parents who have twins, and I think, “They make it look so easy.  There must be something wrong with me.”  But…then I remember that I have six kids, not two.  The twins just happen to be the youngest. They have a brother just two years older than them.  I have six times the trouble, not twice the trouble!  That makes it more difficult.

But I also have twice the blessings (SIX times the blessings!).  Twins are hard, for sure.  But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I absolutely adore my boys – all of them. But there is something uniquely special to be said about twins.

  1. You have a baby for each arm. I’m not sure I could have ever gone back to just one child at a time, if my twins would have been first.  You kind of feel empty with just one child in your arms!
  2. You have a baby for each leg. It’s hard to teach the twins to share your lap. But you have two legs – room for two!  It definitely feels cuddlier.  And complete.
  3. Twins comfort each other.  When they were infants, just being together seemed to calm one if he was crying.  After learning to walk, when one was hurt or sad, the other would run to get his blankie for him.  Now they rub each other’s head or find a favorite toy too.
  4. They entertain each other.  There is nothing cuter than watching them get silly and laugh at each other!
  5. Twins will never be alone. They will always have each other for those scary “firsts” – first day in daycare, first day at school, etc.  Even going to bed at night, in a dark bedroom, it is comforting, knowing they have each other.
  6. Having two is just plain and simply fun. End of story.  I have never laughed so hard!
  7. They feed off of each other, which is highly entertaining. Again, funny!  When one gets silly, the other tries to out-do him.
  8. It is never boring. I remember spending long days home alone with a single child.  It can get boring.  How do you entertain a baby all day?  With two, it is never dull.  The day flies by.
  9. You get two for the price of one.  Not literally, of course.  Everything costs double.  But you had one pregnancy and two babies.  It’s like killing two birds with one stone.  Very efficient!
  10. They learn social skills faster.  I am so impressed with how well my two-year-olds can share.  Yes, two! They share!  Amazing!  Other skills they also already do well:  taking turns, empathy and healthy competition.
  11. They always have a play mate.  They play well together.  I don’t feel as guilty when I have to do the dishes or pay the bills, because they can “go play” together.
  12. They are just plain cute.  No explanation needed.
  13. Your heart is so full of love that it feels like it just might burst.

 

Do you have twins?  How do you see twice the blessings? Leave a comment and let us know!

 

A Father’s Love Makes the Man

Father's Love

A father’s love is what made my boys in to the young men they are today.

This past Sunday was Father’s Day.  We had nothing special planned, really. We ate a yummy breakfast and my husband spent the day doing what he likes to do; lounging around, hanging out with his boys, tinkering in the garage, and grilling.

I, on the other hand, had tons to do, because I had just returned from a four-day stay with my sister-in-law.  So I sent my oldest out with the youngest two, to play.  That way I could get the brunch dishes done with no one hanging on my legs.  I had a mountain of laundry to do, as one might expect, in a house with eight people in it, and unpacking waiting for me yet as well.

While I’m washing the countless dishes, I glance out the window.  My oldest is shirtless, in the sand box.  Next to him is one of the twins, also shirtless.

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